Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Day of Missing People

Max peeks through the stacks- Hey Amy, did you see the fireworks? I got a hot dog, no, I mean a hamburger, went to the video store, and then came here but you weren't here.
No, we were closed.
No, not the 4th of July, I came Sunday.
No, I wasn't here Sunday either.

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A volunteer shelves the mystery paperbacks sits in a chair (blocking the shortcut to the back office) next to the cart and completely zones out for more than an hour. I think he must really concentrate on the tough decisions of the day.

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Mr. I Can't Read has his head on the table. Good thing. I hope I can avoid him... just over 6 hours left.

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I have a donation. The front page of newspapers from the past 40 years. They are in 6 crates.
Thanks, but we have those on wonderful microfilm.

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Do you have books on how to speak elvish? I just saw them at Borders.
No.
Haven't you seen Lord of the Rings?
No, and just because it was at Borders doesn't imply we will have it.

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Can you tell me how I can work this new ipod player? How can I download the free music?

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Me- Excuse me ma'am, I need to work this computer.
She doesn't move, so I just start to work on the computer. Then she yells at me- you coulda said excusme, I woulda moved!

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Can I borrow your magnifying glass? I can't see crap without my glasses.

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Now I'm researching the top ten pipe fitters (of copper) in the city.

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Now we need to know how many atoms are in the DNA molecule and how many DNA molecules are in a human.

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Two men come looking for books on Andy Warhol. One of them told me the diary wasn't written in the traditional way because it was a collection of phone conversations transcribed after his death. Then they split up- one guy sits by the window and flips through the books; the other one wanders off. The reader comes back and looks for his "little friend with the goatee. This probably isn't a good place to take him since he can't read." The friend showed up 10 minutes later after he came back from having a smoke.

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This older woman had to tell me about an autographed copy of a haunted house book that just disappeared. She often goes to the haunted house. She has seen the ghost dressed in period clothing with the cigar. She has also seen his wife / daughter who committed suicide- she is the only one who can smell the lavender perfume. The woman talks on and on- I interrupt and remind her she needs to check those books out before we close. She doesn't care; she tells me about how she has talked to Art Bell himself on the Coast to Coast radio show.

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Have you seen my girlfriend? She's been missing 4 hours. The police have a warrant out for her ex's arrest.

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Guess what folks? The black and white printer is broken. You need to select the color printer. We can say it 100 times but will still get the complaints- where's my print? I sent it to the black and white printer?

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As the 4 year old son licks the counter the dad asks for videos about manners. Sure, we have Slurps, Burps, and Spills just for you!

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Security Guard found another sex offender in the database. This guy is not one I recognize, but is apparently one of the volunteers in the Friends of the Liberry bookstore. Nice.

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Can you print this for me? It didn't get sent to the black and white printer?
Okay, it will be fifteen cents.
Lord, Jesus, it really is not fair (and tells everyone on her way out).

1 comment:

John_B1_B5 said...

Must be fun working in a library - ha,ha.