Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Wednesday night arguments

First I have my typical argument with the deaf boy about his lack to follow the time limit. Then I confiscate a "little dude's" card, the one who was watching porn yesterday. It was his brother's card; they are both angry because the parents have to come in. We didn't know! And now you do!

Mr. Seeeeeee Ya Later successfully makes a copy

He announces 120 times that I did it, on the first time! I did it!

Weed

Kids book inscribed... Merry Christmas 1962!

Can I help you

Man standing at desk, looking lost. I ask, can I help? No, only a doctor can help me.
---
I am obviously not a doctor, sir.

Cute old man

Liberrians are helpful. You are very helpful. You have made my day, you get an A!

No kids book

I need a book in the adult section with pictures of mermaids that I can scan. Nothing kids.

Couldn't find an appropriate one.

I can't believe you. What is this place? No mermaids?

Happy Bride

I need to get online to see when I was married in Las Vegas.

Price Hike

How much for a copy?

Fifteen cents.

Fifteen dollars? Holy Smokes!

Be Not Proud

Hi, I was just released from jail and I need to sign up for the sex offender database.

Very LOUD and TMI, too much info.

Wow


100_2414
Originally uploaded by ariock.
I didn't know Beaker worked in the liberry!

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Frustrated

Napoleon Dynamite type (but not tech saavy) doesn't understand that we can't save to his CD because it is read-only. Takes 2 or 3 times for me to explain. Then his cheat codes. Know where I put those codes? Where did I put them in the come-pute-rr? (In one of the 190 windows you have open). He finds them, prints them, and attempts to pay for them, but some &^$* stole my quarters. Smacks head several times with fist. Seeths and stiffens. Grunts. Whines. Sweats. Stomps. Runs. Slams chair. Shakes. Freaks. Oh man, oh man, damn!

Poor kid.

Clue

That little dude over there is watching adult videos.

I love it when I have an audience to watch me catch the kid.

Truth be told...

I go around and talk to myself- if you've had your internet time it is time to get up.

Woman tells me the man next to her has been there for 2 hours. (And how would she know, I wonder). The culprit says what? and man answers may the truth be told!

Marian likes to know

Marian likes to keep track of requests, so here are just a few from today:

  • Pictures of Dorothy Hamill's haircut to take to a hairdresser
  • Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark
  • New Harry Potter
  • Judy Blume's Blubber
  • Book on how to teach ballet
  • Resume / cover letter guide
  • How to build a deck and porch
  • Phone # / address for Oprah's show (again, she lost the one from last week)
  • A book called Tom Sawyer by a man named Huck Finn
  • Once and Future King
  • DSM-IV (Girl tells me that it is so beat up because you'd know if you were in the psych field).
The remainder of my time was spent directing people to internets and telling them where the printers are.

Man paying fine

So does this go to the fund for books, your salary, or the AC?

Sister is on phone

Tech staff transfers call- Your sister is on the phone.

I'm thinking, my sister- both of them live 100's of miles away; why are they calling me @ work?

It ended up being the woman at technical assistance. Apparently we sound exactly like twins.

Fight in Mystery Section

Group of 5 kids - loud. Guy in his 30's tells them to shut the #%^$ up. Several 4 lettered words exchanged. Security guard called.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

new term for http://

How do I know if I need the hip-tas?

Age isn't a factor

Man in his 40's needs to be told to stop running (and stomping).

Woman in her 30's needs to be told to go outside with her rollerblades.

Max

seems more upbeat today. He wants a paper/pencil. Just "like that, a little short stub. Thanks Amy."

Don't know

how to get in and out of cyberspace.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

When in doubt, a referral is best

Customer wants a consumer guide for buying a motorcycle. My colleague and I scour the web and find nothing. My colleague suggests the customer contacts the local chapter of Hells Angels.

Observation

I find that when people try to whisper they are much louder than they realize. This is not only true in the liberry, but in my home, especially very early!

Mom

My mom came by to drop off my lunch. Two elderly people happened to be by the back door, thinking it was the entrance. My angel of a mother insisted she drive them around the block because it is hotter than anything outside.

Model Railroads

I'm trying to animate a Halloween graveyard for my sister. How would I make a small motor to make the graves move?

We tried a book on model railroads; that could be it.

Brats

Just kicked out some brats who think this place is a playground, handcuffing eachother. Their parents are deaf, can't blame the clueless kids.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Observation

My dental hygenist pointed out something I just realized: not all outdoorsmen push wire winnebagoes (i.e. shopping carts). Some (upscale) have baby strollers!

Thursday, August 25, 2005

All self serve

I'm not good at the computer, will you make it nice?

Max

seems depressed. I wished him a belated birthday but he didn't really respond.

Thurs AM

  • Where's the ax-sessors office?
  • No Max.
  • We confuse them: Marian made a huge red sign that says NO INTERNET ACCESS; however, we converted the computers. So when we say next in line, they just sit there and wait for a personal invite. They'll never get it.
  • Nerd: If you talk to technical support you should get them to convert these to firefox. Oh really?
  • Ozzy Osbourne fan wants videos, same ones we said no to yesterday.

Lost/Found

Barbie
Pair of aviator? sunglasses that wrap all the way to the ears

Kissy

just knocked over a pile of mysteries. He's speaking his own language today.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Today

Net is down,
Frowns abound.
And the sounds of unhappy people, all around
As they go,
homeward bound.

Mr. Seeeee Ya Later

Ink pen, no good. Dispose of it in the trash can. No good ink pen.

Runs into me

The fan who always makes every effort to say Hi Amy, and basically runs into the desk asks me if I have a cold. I say yes, a lie. He says, well I hope you feel better. Sure, I will feel better as soon as you be like a tree and leaf!

Donation

Phil McGraw's Self Matters, a gift to Denise, from Denise, 2002.

Mr. Indian Book Man

Can't read, lights out.
No, the lights are on.
Lights out, computer out, no read.

Max

Today Max was too busy talking to his inner voices to stop by the desk. Someday soon I'll wish him a happy belated birthday and make his day.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Sheriff

Check the sheriff's site to see if there is a warrant out for me and my wife.

Here it is-

What are the charges?

It doesn't say.

So do I have to pay for the copies if that's not what I want?

Yes.

Idea

You guys should start a book trolley and take it all through town.

Coffee

Can I grind my coffee in a blender?

Divorce

Do you have books on how to do your own divorce? We already did mediation; that didn't work. Him killed me or me killed him, marriage not an option.

Actually, they are all checked out.

I'll just go buy the kit at Walmart.

Prize

Woman wheels herself up to the desk and asks me to check how much she "won" from Burger King. I key in the code and ruin her day; just one dollar.

Then she asks me where the books are for coin collecting. She has some real treasures.

Then she wants her family tree because her grandmother's brother is King Peter, related to King Alexander and Alexander, all those guys. She's upset @ the situation in England now. Charles made his beautiful mother have white hair! He brought down the royalty, that's what he did!

She tells me she has tons of money in the bank.

Consumer Reports

Do you have the Sept. 2005 edition of Consumer Reports?

Not yet.

When you do, chain it to the wall. It's gold, an article about computers!

DRG

DRG, disgruntled retired guy, frustrated we don't have a repair guide for his 1982 motor home. Considering the cost of gas, just trash the thing!

Subject Request

Patron would like to know if anything sinister and violent happened in her apartment because she has been seeing ghosts. Especially of a man and child, were they shot?
--------------------------
Who you gonna call?
Ghostbusters?
No, the liberrian.

Birthday Boy

Where, oh where, is Max today? To tell ya the truth, I wouldn't be here on my birthday either. (t minus 10 days away). I hope he went to a James Bond movie and bought some new shoes!

Monday, August 22, 2005

Intense




I ordered a few books about yachting for a guy in his 30's. Several minutes after I finished the order he was still standing @ the desk, drawing a picture just for me.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Mellow

Max is quite mellow today. He shaved his head too.

Rifles through her purse

Woman rifles through her purse in search of the liberry card and tells me I don't criticize myself anymore. I let other people do that. I taught myself that a long time ago. It works.

Print

Help me print the lyrics.
Go to file, then print.
Frustrated, can't do it, doesn't get it, I have waited all day for this!

Now I need to listen to the music.
You need to unmute it.
What does that do?

Stop Smiling!

Can I use your phone?
No.
I just won a thousand dollars and I have three minutes to call. It's an 800 number.
No, (& I must have automatically smiled) not a service we provide.
------------------------
Next guy in line-- Unusual!

------------------------

Then he returns- Why did you tell me I couldn't use the phone and then smile? The lady up there said I could use her phone and guess what? I won a trip to the Bahamas!

Here

I have dilexia.

Here is a place you can contact; they can help you.

Oh, them guys?

Student

A liberry school student who works here gave me the idea for my next display: Are You An Idiot or a Dummie?

Isn't that magnificent?

Edit: Title = Books for Idiots and Dummies.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Blind Man

Oops, my bad. Turns around. Oops, my bad. That was a great movie. How do you know?

Why I'm glad I'm not the supervisor...

There's a woman in the bathroom completely naked and she is a real blonde.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Spell

Guy asks me how to spell Episcopal. I tell him if he wants it on the net, he needs to put it in google, but he tells me I'm not right because he likes to contradict me.

Lemon Law

Woman wants book on lemon law; we don't have it, so I say, let me put a lemon on that for you! Yes, it is getting late.

Password

Deaf boy needs help with the concept of creating a password: it needs a digit and alphas. But he doesn't get it, and I can't explain.

His friend came to ask is postal code = zip? I said yes. Then he came by to ask what he say about? Then he wants to know ready time or wait competer?

Here to bother you

Older lady: I am here to bother you. You are so good to me. I don't know what I'd do if you ever broke down.

Does the word Tuesday ring a bell?

Priest

My parish priest comes and I introduce myself. He says don't work too hard; it is against my religion! So cute.

Clarinet

Man wants entire book on the history of the clarinet. He can't believe we just have one book, as well as a kid's edition. This is such a popular subject, why don't you have more?

Going to be a great day

I successfully avoided Mr. I Can't Read and was greeted by Mr. Kissy Hotcake: Hi turkey, dear, cutie. And, he blew me a kiss. Can't beat that.

Important Point

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Wanna get

I wanna get a print out.

You pick those up at the front desk.

Can you print it out?

What is it you need?

Truecredit.com

This looks like you have to pay for it, as well as fill out the form.

Will you do it?

No, you have to go over there and log on.

I've never used it before.

-------
Congratulations and good luck then...

Do you have any...

boca books?

Sorry?

Poka books.

Oh, poker books!

Can't help

I'm lookin for my daughta. She cawed the haws and said she was ready.

Deaf Boy

Deaf boy writes me a note: What honry mean?

FREE

Free hotspot?
No, not here. All of the city liberries have it.
This isn't city?
No, county.
Well back in City X, all the parks have it.
Then why did you leave?

& how old are we?

Kid in hs = stomping, waving, & yelling. What a complete brat.

He comes to the desk- do you work here? I was lookin for my mother.

Sorry, I can't help you.

Oh, well, nevermind then.

Another possible job


Library storytime vans
Originally uploaded by Michael Casey.

One of my favorite jobs

@ the liberry is entering bulk paperback barcodes into the catalog. Today I reached the limit of 3000 and had to call cataloging. Amusing.

Quite an odd acquisition

Bombproof Your Horse by Sgt. Rick Pelicano.

We're one of the lucky 5 branches to get this one!

Mr. Seeeee Ya Later

He usually comes in wearing a backpack and carrying a suitcase on rollers. Today he wasn't happy with his backpack: the straps were itchy. So, he asked my colleague to cut it off. Believe it or not, she did. (She's a sub). Then he said throw it away. My other colleague got angry and told Mr. Seeeeee Ya Later that the liberry is not the place for this.

Back to 2005

Putters are back, here's the report:

  • Mr. Oh Yeah wants information on the November election. In particular, he wants to know about Sally. Who is Sally? Sally Nelson, she is running. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh yeah?
  • Mr. Indian Book guy- I like those books you got me. They are new. Thank you very much.
  • Mr. Congo man- need a some help again.
  • Spell luau. L-e-w-o-w.
  • Stay tuned for tonight... shouldn't be busy, Wednesday nights are car show nights, but then again, we have free innanet puders here.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

NBC

Last night NBC news reported parents are concerned about the books in the young adult section. Apparently the plots are full of sex and drugs.

My response: Why is it that when I read a book on how to knit a sweater that I can't automatically make it?

Challenging Retro Day

No internets, no "pudders," and plenty frustrated patrons. A recipe for disaster AND quiet. Quite retro because I usually take notes to blog by sending them to lovetheliberry@gmail.com. Today I have scraps of paper that read---

  • Marian's Eclectic Movie Man friend wants VHS about Martin Luther, not King. Reformation guy.
  • I sneeze; audience woman says God bless, I say thanks, she says oh, I know how it is.
  • Woman is upset about ADA or something and says she will sue us.
  • Guy insists on trying the internet and his friend says, it won't come up bro. He will believe his friend, not me. Such is life.
  • Sub liberrian @ neighbor branch calls to ask if I know the status of the computer repair. Yes, Amy is an insider who knows all! Then she tells me she is trying to play tiddly winks and should have brought her cribbage board. Good times in the liberry... for sure.
  • Then our phones go down... that's QUIET.
  • Woman who pushes an empty wheelchair around picks it up and slams/bounces it twice for no reason. Stay away from her.
  • Sub here tells me over and over that someone was "accosted" last night after we closed. Accosted, not attacked or raped. She whips the newspaper clipping from her pocket and has me read it. She is worried about where we park and thinks people will follow us to our cars. I assure her the security guard has it all under control. Then he comes. She tells him the whole accosted story. Oh well, gives her something to talk about.
  • Man from Congo's response to no computers today: Ha ha ha, ho ho ho, eh ... ha ha ha... If they could only be more like him.
  • The internets are down. Any particular reason? All of 'em? You serious? Can I just listen to music?
  • Without a catalog, we wing it with a little Dewey guide. But a question about lighthouses throws me.
  • Request for feng shui in Vietnamese language.
  • (Hours later) ... Request for feng shui in English on VHS and audio tape.
  • Man who thinks he has a shoe patent wants the contact info for Dexter company.
  • Guy wants directions to state prison (to find his way home?).
  • Napoleon Dynamite look alike guy is concerned about the lack of internet access. Furrowed brow. The local network only? Then starts asking about the timeout software- so about the console... Then he goes and looks at a stack of health books for hours... the 614 - 616's. I don't want to know what his ailment might be.
  • To do list: toothpaste, Birdseed (one bag), Library.
  • Pushy woman with no card wants to rent Parenthood by Proxy by Dr. Laura. A little ironic, don't ya think?
  • Mr. Seeeee Ya Later: You're back, finally. I miss you the other day (huge frown; great, I didn't know he was a fan). So, do you have a bandaid? (His fingers are always bleeding, probably because he destroys pens). I wanna know for my list, is Afghanistan the bad guys, the enemy? So the internets are down, copy machine too?
  • Mr. Indian Book guy: "reads" sign We do not allow telephones in the library. Then tells me hi sweety, I like your hair. I think he is taking lessons from Mr. Kissy Kissy Hotcake.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Lucky

Just thinking about Max and realized he doesn't talk to everyone, just mostly the voices in his head (last week he couldn't stop telling them to "*&%$ off") and me. I wonder if he talks to me because my teeth are white (but that's not why I'm unique) or because I have a 4 door Honda. Could be. Or I'm just lucky.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Request

Please don't talk to me and have me search the universe for an item unless you have a liberry card!

Believe it or not...

The Yahoo ID & password aren't universal. So when you go to another site that requires registration, DO NOT ENTER the yahoo information. You wouldn't believe how many times I explain this daily.

10 movies


I've probably seen a total of ten movies in my life that are good. Happy Gilmore is one of them. Today there is a super tall guy wandering around who reminds me of the guy in the audience- the golf ball hits his head.

Mr. See Ya Later

HERE-- and gives me one of his old toy cars. Gotta split!

So I drop the toy car and he tells me you dropped it, it's right there, do you see it? Did you find it? Course I'm helping someone else, but since he won't stop pointing and yelling at me, I stop what I am doing to please the little kid.

How to spell

Criticizing

-----

It reminds me of what I used to do to my poor sister, 6 years my junior. I'd say C-q-r-d-s-t-g-s-d-g. What a nice and helpful big sister I am.

Like Disneyland

The announcement for Spanish storytime is so sad, like a Disneyland ride- keep all arms inside until we reach a complete stop. Attention ninos, cuentos en espanol...

And what do you think?

Sex offender, after an hour or more on the internet: So, is it a bit slow today?

Does it look like it?

Annoyed

I can't figure out what is yahoo ID. It is the characters before the @yahoo.com part of your address. Bewildered... I can't stand this with people looking over my shoulder. Where else can I go. No where, why don't you try coming tomorrow when we open? I can't you are always busy. You got that right.

Man from Congo

Laughy man tells me: Don't accept to be proud; then you will be loved.

Max goes to the baseball game-- One of the best ever!

Note: I'm going to the baseball game tomorrow with my "husband;" really my church group. Watch me see him there...
---------------
When are the computer classes start?
October.
Good God. (What a great comment to a hilarious exchange.).
How much for a baseball ticket in the bleachers, right field?
$26.
Mind boggling, isn't it. I don't know why I didn't ask you that earlier.

To my colleague (before lunch)...

You'd keep that up for me? You are a nice dude...
Is this paper big enough for me to write some'em like that?
Could you print it, no you couldn't do something like that.
You have a wide screen there, don't you...
Ok, ok, sir.
You don't have a food processor, do you?
Mmmm. Too many questions, huh.
They are in first place by the way, beat the Yanks.
Max, you have been coming to the liberry for years; we would love to help you.
Hands the question over to me and goes to lunch, nice dude.
I needed that, I appreciate that.
Yes, you are one of our best customers.
They are in first; wow, that is just how it looks like on TV.
Yeah, that is, so nothing about the concessions?
It says the concessions will break a family of 4.
What does that mean.
It is expensive.
Yea, yeah. Mmmm...
That is first base, so I will be right there? I don't want to pry.
Uh huh, where, right here?
No, this is the view from your seat; you can't see your seat on the map.
Yea, yeah, how much for a hamburger and a chili dog?
Expensive.
I'm tellin ya. That's right, you can't do that, probably not, huh.
What's this, Google? I seen that on one of my movies. Yea, I seen that, that frame is google right there, yea.
Oh yea, yeah; names team.
It says $21 average.
Prime seats, huh?
Parking, eleven dollars. That's not cheap, considering a game. Hot dog, coke.

Max, let's write that down, how much is that.
Eleven dollars.
For what, how much is that?
Two dollars each at the grill, right field.
Two dollars for a hot dog and a drink, right?
No, two dollars each.
Oh.
In the game?
No, in the grill, right field concourse.
Assuming in the stadium? Can we get back to the prices, ticket prices? I don't get paid till Sept. (Relief, I won't see him tomorrow).
Alright, we discussed food prices, huh?
Have a good time, Amy.
So $26 for right lower box?
Bye, Amy!

Shush

Weed

The Mouth Blown Bottle, autographed by Grace Kendrick, 1968. OUT!

Max


Max loves movies. Today he showed me a magazine of one called The Island. I'm gonna buy it the day it comes out on DVD, Amy. Wow, I love your shoes, they are just like Dorothy. Taps heels. So you have a green Honda? No, silver. 4 doors? Yes. I always wanted one of those. I have to go to the bathroom. Guess what? I have a birthday coming up. I know, you told me you will be 48 on August 23. How'd you know that? You told me because it is the same number as your book about James Bond. Oh yea, boy, you are smart.

Sometimes Sad Saturdays

Sometimes Saturdays are quite sad. See, I miss Mr. Kissy Hotcakes, I'm Gonna Git You. They only come on weekdays. Don't get me wrong; there is always plenty of material to blog... I love people watching!

Friday, August 12, 2005

Peace


8:00, closed. Internets off. The image of peace at last----

Like Everybody Loves Raymond

I'd like to ax you a question.

Like my friend Max, I say me too- I'd like to ax you!

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Remainder of weeds






Marian's old desk- miss you


lp Posted by Picasa

LP Posted by Picasa

LP Posted by Picasa

Our old LP collection as decimated by Amy! Posted by Picasa

Litrucy


Litrucy
Originally uploaded by Miss Jean Brodie.

Film

I'm researching the blacklisted directors of film as well as the prominent directors from the 1920's. I never know what each day will bring! That's why the liberry is so fun...

Definite Weed

Ghost Writer, by Philip Roth has an old bandaid on the cover. Didn't even want to touch it. Gross.

Liberrian look

I will never achieve the complete liberrian look because
a) I don't wear my hair in a bun.
b) My ears aren't engineered to hold a pencil. I wish they were:(

Magazine Man

Will you give me a hug?
No, that's not a service we provide.

Like Mrs. Doubtfire

Just like Mrs. Doubtfire, all I did today was box 'em and ship 'em. Here's a pic of our decimated large print collection--- (to be uploaded tonite).

RefGrunt

Do you guys, like, rent cookbooks here? I see everything else.
-----
Max: Hey Amy, I'd like to take you out for a drink sometime.
Thanks, but no thanks.
-----
Max: I'm looking for a real big piece of paper, yeah yeah yeah.
-----
6th grade boy: Do you have Freak the Mighty? I learned so much from that book.
-----
Spam victim: I get lots of messages from Nigeria.
It's called spam.
Know what I'm talking about?
Yes, it is spam, nothing personal. Just don't open them and hit block sender.
-----
Mr. Gotta Split: Do you have X-men? Do you have Avengers? Then he comes back behind the ref. desk and out LII tells him hon, you can't be back here!
-----
Define fearful.
-----
Don't you have some way of keeping track of who has been here the longest? Why can't I sign in? Cause at my old liberry that's what they did. Why can't you?
-----
Mr. Kissy Hotcake: I'm gonna get you. Dog, dog, dog. Truck, truck. Oh, dog, dog.

Max

I drive up and see my friend Max. I get out of my car and say hi. He says which one is your car, and I tell him it is the silver one. A Honda? Cool, that's what I always wanted!

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

PhD



In my world, I have a PhD in Muppetology, study of the Muppets. Today Max reminded me of Zoot, the cute blue haired saxophone player in the Electric Mayhem.

[the members of The Electric Mayhem are introducing themselves one by one]
Zoot: I'm, uh, uhh...
Floyd Pepper: You're Zoot. Sax is your axe. . . .
Zoot skipped a groove again.

I beg to differ-

I hear a woman in her 40's try to comfort a friend: Crying is great. I love to cry. In fact, I should cry more often!

Fantastic


Nice


Get Lost
Originally uploaded by Lukky.

Yell Phone

Everything she says, it is times 3:

Hello...
We are at the liberry...
What website did you want?
Yeah, uh huh...
Don't go online, it's cheaper...

Interface

Caller- Hello, I'd like you to interface with the computer that knows all... put your glasses on, dumb dumb.

Exchange / Refund

Hello, I just got home with the Mary Poppins DVD and realized I don't have a DVD player. Can I exchange that for a VHS version? For free?

FREE

Free, all they want is free...

What is the toll free number to New Zealand? What do I dial first?

Frustration

I just wanna reach in the screen and pull out the spam when I'm writing emails.

More Audience Participation

I'd like a book on how to make fuel from alcohol.

I look and of course find zero.

Audience member: Actually, you get less per gallon.

My college sweatshirt

Today I'm wearing my college sweatshirt, because it is ice in here. A man walks up and asks me about it since he has never heard of it. No one really has. Then he tells me, wow, you got really blue eyes and super brown hair. That's unusual.

Really? I thought my eyes were purple and had black hair. Thanks so much.

Unemployed Guy

UG is waiting for the internet and doing the Magic Eye books with his friends. They look so silly.

Vitamins

Security guard asks me if my sparkly Old Navy shoes give me all my energy. Uh huh. You bet.

Spell

Spell stroke, as in stroke my hair.
S-t-r-o-k-e.
That doesn't look right.

Mr. Indian Man book

Today he's wearing an As Seen On Surveillance TV shirt... He sees the stuffed animal cat and says, you're not gonna get rid of him, are you? Then asks his caretaker, we coming back tomorrow, right, right?

Where?

I lost my diploma and need a copy for a job; do you have a copy?

Little girl

Little girl asks for books about pets: birds, hamsters, rats...
As we're walking down to the kid's section she says, you're pretty!

Made my day:)

Audience help

LIII: Amy, have you ever heard of a movie called Zena?
Me: What is a movie? Just kidding.
Audience member: It's Xena!

Thanks a million!

Some of my favorite customers

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Classy

White Out

Woman comes to borrow some white out. She put New Mexico as the city on her envelope. Then she asks how to spell Albuquerque. Messes it up of course. I told her to get a new envelope or just tape a piece of paper over it, but she insisted in making the dried up white out work for her!

Mr. Indian Book Man

Hello? Hi? I'm sorry, are you mad at me?

Napoleon Dynamite

He's here with his typical furrowed brow and look of concern; ready to check the radio frequencies.

Keep it down

Max, please keep it down... (just talking to himself, nothing unusual).

Excuse Me

But that little boy over there is watching very provocative videos!

Waiting?

Woman comes to the desk to say she asked the woman with the blank wheelchair if she's waiting. She just grrrrr'd @ me, I don't know what to do or say!

2 year old

A not so cute little 2 year old just unplugged the surge protector. Cute little kid messed up 8 people connected to it... what a complete brat!

Top Ten reasons to become a librarian


Honda advertisement


Honda advertisement
Originally uploaded by library_mistress.
Yep, I just bought a Honda!

Favorite Image Ever


librarian
Originally uploaded by library_mistress.

Liberries Matter


band 002
Originally uploaded by gcjessica1989.

Libraryman Hearts...


Libraryman Hearts...
Originally uploaded by libraryman.
Very cute

Super Nerdy Liberrian


Libraryman Small
Originally uploaded by libraryman.

Large Print

Apparently Will Benton's Logan's Guns was "very good."

So far, so good

I've passed Mr. I Can't Read twice and have avoided eye contact even though I can feel his eyes glued to me. I don't miss these people on the weekends and evenings!

Excitement at HQ

Cataloging is not pleased:

"People are making their own call number changes and sending us a printout!
Just because you request a change does not mean the call number will be what you want it to be."

Paperback Thriller

I belong to a listserv (of mostly librarians) that discusses fiction, and often people post "stumpers" of books their patrons are looking for but can't remember the title of.

Today, someone posted this:

"A patron was looking for this paperback thriller. He believed he saw it in the mid-1980s and it had a VC-Andrewsesque shlocky cover.

This is his exact description of the book:

And hey, are you EVER going to find that book I'm still looking for, the one about the catatonic mobster with a perpetual erection trying to kill his son and ex-wife who are hiding in the Louisiana Bayou being protected by the ex-Navy (or was it Air Force?) guy with night blindness?


If anyone recognizes it, let me know, because I MUST read this book.

SLA

Every time I read something about the SLA, I always think it's the Special Libraries Association rather than the Symbionese Liberation Army.

For example, here's a passage from the NYT review of Christopher Sorrentino's novel Trace, a sort of fictional version of the Patty Hearst story:

'As Tania is increasingly influenced by the SLA, she too begins angrily shouting inane, pseudo-political phrases, such as "Death to the fascist insect that preys upon the life of the People!" The SLA commits brutal crimes in the name of revolution, but Sorrentino presents these misguided guerrillas as hapless and absurd.'

Those brutal guerrilla librarians and their inane pseudo-political phrases.

Finds from a bookstore



Originally uploaded by firda.
Someone really found some gems!

Monday, August 08, 2005

What I miss about working at the branch library, in no particular order

(by special request from Amy)

--Eclectic Movie Man (always chews gum, will watch literally any movie)

--High school students who bring me a book they liked and ask me to recommend something else good

--Semi-Goth girl, always very sweet and polite

--Tax season...actually, no.

--People who call on the phone and want a random piece of information, e.g "What date was Good Friday in 1974?" or "Who was the ambassador to Hungary in 1905?" This is probably my favorite part of the job.

--Old men who come in with a long list of books to pick up for their wives

--Middle-school students who are doing interesting science fair projects and do their own research, and I can talk to them like real people

--When someone is completely amazed that I found what they were looking for

--The notebook we use to write down subjects we need more books on--I love looking through it and seeing what people are asking about

--that one ancient gay guy who always comes in with his partner and flirts elegantly with me

--Last-minute projects from the Branch Librarian, e.g. 'Marian, can you make me some bookmarks with career book titles by this afternoon?'

--Seeing the supervising librarian in action at the reference desk--after 30? years she ROCKS it and I am in awe

--Making up book displays and designing the signs to go with them

--People checking out the books I put in the display

--Finding alternate means of communicating with people who are deaf or don't speak English

--People who are very serious about reading the books in a series in order, because it matters!

--PARTIES IN THE BACK ROOM!!

Panda

A guy minus a few marbles told my colleague (who just moved far away) she looks like a panda bear. Embarrassed, she ran to the bathroom to check her makeup... and of course it wasn't smeared!

Book Return


Book Return
Originally uploaded by BookMonger.
sleek looking...

Never Judge a Book By


Never Judge a Book By
Originally uploaded by BookMonger.

ESP

On Saturday as an old man approached our desk I told my colleague I sense an ILL. And I was right: the guy submitted four of them! My colleague is the ILL expert- none of us have practice with those requests. But then I'm the computer girl. To each his own.

Give it up

Now the guy who wanted to know what animal = associated with his name wants to know what flower. I felt like such an eejit as I submitted that question to the reference agency!

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Too upbeat-

Have a good time in the up and coming week!

& here they come...


128_2891
Originally uploaded by yourbluesea.

Accentuating the Positive

In an ideal world...

My New Job


No!

Weeding the large print, I come across a title Sex After 60. It has lots of notes on the cover, some in shorthand I can't decipher, but here's what I did read:

Once upon a time in China they revered their elderly... I am LXII (62)... excrutiating agony... she devil... amazon... universe... song: to each his own.

Interesting the book circulated 18 times. I bet people took that advice. Scary.

Movies

I'm so bad at identifying movies, except Elf. This girl wanted the movie set in Yugoslavia during a war. It was about two friends: one Muslim, one Christian.

Sorry, I can't even remember the three possible titles... Marian to the rescue though, as always ;)

Missing

Sorry sir, that book is missing. It was due in 1852 and never returned.

Oh, don't y'all go at them though?

angry finger


angry finger
Originally uploaded by fresh peth.
What do you mean, you don't have my book!

Frustrated


Frustrated
Originally uploaded by Fallout75.
Mr. I Can't Read, 30 years ago.

High Noise Area


High Noise Area
Originally uploaded by loveandhaight.

Large Print

Where's the large print books?

Right there, you just passed it.

That's why I need LP!

Haunts me

My knitting and calligraphy classes continue to haunt me- one of my students said hey sweetie, next Thursday, class, right?

Um, hell no!

Seen worse...

A very lovey-dovey touchy-feely couple is looking for mattresses online. Not as bad as the young couple I had to ask to cut it out-- looking @ let's get married dot com or something like it!

Not pretty

12:00 pm, t minus one hour before opening-- Max is sound asleep by the front door. Huge belly. Maybe he is dead?

Saturday, August 06, 2005

New

Our new home page, I wish.

Super Liberrian

Grapes of Wrath

Do you have Grapes of Wrath by John Steen-beck?

What time is it?

What time is it now?

4:10.

Here. (Hands me pen). No good. I gotta split; lunch time. Seeeeeeee ya later!

Lost

Do you have something I can find a lost child?

Guardianship?

No, they were kidnapped in 1994; cops told me to get a lawyer.

Then I don't think I have anything here to help you.

Don't you have a book so I won't get mad? Like what can I do.

I give him something on anger management.

Not exactly what I want.

Sorry.

Free nothing

Teen wants me to show her how she can get a free laptop and songs. Sure hon.

Why?

Why can't I get into my AOL from Yahoo?

Napoleon Dynamite's friend

Napoleon Dynamite's friend Kip checks in today... Or at least his twin.

I won't forget your face

Woman in her 30's: Did you help me before? I'm almost sure... I won't ever forget your face. You helped me find those books on Jersualem potato bugs, the ones with the cute faces! I'm certain I won't ever forget your face.

Is that good or bad, I wonder.

No external devices

Security guard finds man breathing heavily and messing with cords under the computer. What are you doing? Hooking up an external hard drive. Sorry, that's not allowed.

Kids these days

Kids under the age of 3, no joking:
  • One with a stocking cap.
  • Another with a mohawk.
What is wrong with parents these days?

Max and his new shoes

Max returns in the afternoon-- Hey Amy, I went home and took a shower. I bought this new shirt, it's nice, isn't it. And these new shoes. Can you see them? Yesterday I went to a movie after I got these at Target- I put them on the chair next to me. I wanted to go outside to try them on but I waited until I got home.

Feel like

My thought for the day: It is so cold in here, I feel like a penguin. Sure, it may be hot outside, but this is absolutely a "cool zone."

DD system?

So is this still the Dewey Decimal system?

(No, it is just totally random just to confuse you).

Son of a gun!

Donation

From the liberry of Fey Wrey.

Hopefully that was her married name, but probably not.

First thing

The mad crowd pushes/shoves to the internets and a man comments- we're a herd of cattle, aren't we!

Do you

So, do you get a lot of hackers and worms?

What's going on here

After my divorce wasn't no good. So do you do online dating and talk rooms? Sure. And he just stands there looking for conversation. Sir, we have requested the titles. You are through. Please go, now.

Frustrated

Woman is frustrated because the titles she wants are missing even though they are listed in the catalog. Apparently in the programming they screwed up a bunch of stuff. She says, what do you want? Me to come in and fix it?

Yeah lady, help yourself.

Max checks in

Max first walks by to make sure the clock is correct. A daily ritual.

Then returns to tell me he got paid and bought the following videos: James Bond, Blue Crush, Star Wars. He bought those Thursday and Friday with the 114 in regular money and 327.5 in rebate money. Have a nice day!

That extra fifty cents makes all the difference, doesn't it.

Thanks, Max.

Weeding

I'm pulling books to weed and a little kid says Mommy, look- all of these empty shelves, they have all been checked out! Can you believe it?

Time

My favorite customer (who wants to travel sans passport): Tell me, what day do you open at 1?

And we're standing outside looking at the hours.
See, it says here, Sunday, that's tomorrow.
But why not say here?
See? Sunday: 1-5.
Oh, ha ha ha- there's no zero! I tell my daughter she wrong! I wrong!
And laughs like it is the funniest thing ever...

Friday, August 05, 2005

A solution

Finally, a solution for those yell phones.

Shhh


Shhh
Originally uploaded by patrik lindgren.

Not Your Type


Not Your Type
Originally uploaded by electrospray.

Good Question


how?!
Originally uploaded by DogFromSPACE.

And things to save for someone who cares

Things I won't miss...

  • Science fair projects
  • Microfiche obit searches
  • Sex offenders
  • Curmudgeons of all shapes and sizes
  • Man who wants the horse racing schedules daily (lost my fanship after he gave me that sketchy teddy)
  • Tax forms
  • Summer Reading programs, esp. calligraphy
  • Car repair books, dirty and huge
  • Guys who forget to zip their pants and uncaring caregivers
  • Mr. No Problem Arabic man- when are the computer classes
  • Actually, all the computer classes
  • eBay guy in the sailboat shirt
  • guy who gave me some origami; sorry, that still doesn't make me forget how you violate the time limit
  • And, the topper, the man I try to block from my mind who wrote me a 2 page love letter... "I'm from Chicago, a real mind traveler, and the happiest day of my life was when I met you... here's my number, please call."
Of course, to be continued...

People I will miss

When I leave the branch, I will miss...

  • Max
  • Mr. Gotta Split, lunchtime, seeeeee ya later
  • Indian Book man, I'm sorry, are you mad at me, don't hit me
  • Russian electric wheelchair guy, not really though
  • Mr. Kissy Hotcake
  • Shrek 2 guy who is always happy to see me, will you shake my hand
  • Attention starved math guy, not really
  • Guy who wants to travel to all those crazy places without a passport, he's the best
  • Watching all the resume botching is fun too
  • Mr. do you have the book on Nascar and Schoolhouse Rock (but he already moved)
I'm sure this will be continued...

Fab Friday

Why is today a Fab Friday? My job was posted at headquarters, so hopefully my days are numbered in this house of insanity / bootcamp. I spent an hour at the desk, so here's today's blog:

Our page who has worked at the liberry for over 7 years walks by and tells me he just checked out his first thingie. He was very happy.

Guy wants ASVAB and I say the only one here is in reference. He asks, can you move it, or is it stuck?

Man has no idea what to do when he clicks on the annoying mailto: link. I explain that he needs to open his email and copy/paste the address, which completely bewilders him. He opens hotmail (yeah, hotmail) and addresses it to www.... He writes the message asking for their phone number, like they'll answer that. Then he asks what BCC and CC mean, as if it should be any of his concern. I explain it, but I guess not clearly enough. He says where do they come up with that stuff. So what did I need to do, just press the @ sign and that's it?

CP guy

Guy who wants books on CP every day came in with his walker (I missed this one) and said watch me do tricks! And held on with one hand. Then he invited the staff to his birthday party. Poor guy.

I Love You!

The young DD man who always wears a baseball cap and wants to listen to music videos on the computer was there with his caretaker. When he saw me, he broke into a big grin, waved wildly, and said "Hey, it's you!" I said, "Yes, it's me." He said, "I'm so happy!" :)

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Michael Moore's take

"I really didn't realize the librarians were, you know, such a dangerous group. ... You think they're just sitting at the desk, all quiet and everything. They're like plotting the revolution, man. I wouldn't mess with them. You know, they've had their budgets cut. They're paid nothing. Books are falling apart. The libraries are just like the ass end of everything, right?"

Michael Moore
(BuzzFlash interview, 13 March 2002)

Tough

"Man, who'd have thought being a librarian could be so tough?"
(Andromeda episode, "Harper 2.0."
Line spoken by Gordon Michael Woolvett as Seamus Harper).

Liberrian Definition

"Liberrian: One who picks liberries from wild liberry bushes and makes a liberry pie. Mmmmh! Mmmmh! So delicious!"
R. Lee Hadden
(Message reproduced in Library Juice, 12 April 2000)

Career Aspirations

"I thought I'd be a librarian until I met some crazy ones."
Edward Gorey
(Boston Globe article, 1998, as quoted in Salon)

Bun & Glasses

"I think that librarians get a bum rap. They're constantly represented as these staid do-gooders, hair in a bun, glasses on the nose. In fact, librarians have better eyesight than most professionals."
Alan Kurzweil ("Fresh Air" interview (NPR), 20 October 2001)

Uh-oh

"I always do the [research] work myself. I'm afraid of librarians-they have whips and high heels and they cut you if you talk funny."

Andrei Codrescu

Barry Bowes

Barry Bowes
"In the public psyche, a librarian is a woman of indeterminate age, who wears spectacles; a person with either a timorous disposition or an austere disposition, wearing a long sleeved blouse buttoned to the neck; someone who loves silence, likes books, and suffers people. Librarians don't laugh. They are covered with a thin film of dust. They have pale skins, which, when touched (as if one ever could) might flake and prove to be reptilian scales."

Peter Ackroyd

"And the smell of the library was always the same - the musty odour of old clothes mixed with the keener scent of unwashed bodies, creating what the chief librarian had once described as 'the steam of the social soup.'"
Peter Ackroyd

Horalogium Ex

Latin for watch out:

"Mary Kay is one of the secret masters of the world: a librarian. They control information. Don't ever piss one off."
The Callahan Touch
Spider ROBINSON

Liberrians

"Librarians are at the heart of opposition to foolish, dangerous, misguided attempts at censoring human expression in our free country. I thank God for their efforts." -- Author Clyde Edgerton

Newspaper

Show me where the newspapers. I'm kinda new around here; you've probably seen me off and on.

Yeah nerd, I see you about every day. You wanted me to help you "win the prize" from your McDonald's fries.

Spelling Test

Spell daughter.
Spell friend.

Magic

Do you have the new Catherine Coulter?
Oh, this title, the one that will be published in a couple weeks? I'll put you on the list.
No hon, I already read that one.

Jane

Jane, she work here or no?
Not anymore, lucky Marian, who isn't named Jane.

So he kicks his electric wheelchair into high gear and speeds off.

Skinner

Do you have skinner?

Books by BF Skinner?

No, skinner.

Scanner.

Miss?

Miss? This froze up.

There are about 10 others available; why don't you move?
I'm such the problem solver.

Kid

How do I get to the cheats codes?

Yet another moment that proves I'm thankful for going to liberry school and earning my MA.

Traveler

Woman just came back from her travels and tells us: Holy Land, no Bibles; Egypt, no Bibles; Czechlovokia; no Bibles.

Nope

Can I buy it?

Nope, and no matter how many times you ask I won't change my answer.

80 year old man's hat

I used to be a real go-getter; I still am, it just takes me twice as long.

More

Are these all the computers for internet?
Yes.
Are you serious? No, this is your lucky day. Come to the back room with me and sit at my desk.

Then she gets the rest of the line involved in what a ridiculous policy it is that they have to wait. No one is happy.

I don't know, you tell me.

So why am I going to Office Depot when I am printing the document right here?

Two errors

How do I get a liberry card, and can I use your pin?

Ozzy Osbourne / Learn to play guitar guy

Can you tell me if there is anything that has came for me?

On hold

I'm on hold on the phone and 2 ladies in line start talking: Isn't this the best liberry in the whole world?

Assertiveness Training

Do you have anything on assertiveness training?

Yes. All you need to do is to be a liberrian for a couple years. Seriously, that was my remedy.

I look in the catalog and she tells me she wants stuff from googles. So I go to google and type in assertiveness training. She asks me why I used spaces and discovers that was her problem. So when you go to googles you don't get books?

Lost

I lost a book on a bus across the country. I read the whole thing except the last two pages. I can't remember the title or author or even what it was about. Can you find it for me?

Upload my document

Is it on your disc?

It's not really a document; just some stuff I typed up.

This is it?

These are all the computers?
Yes.
Are you serious?
No, actually, please come into the back room; this is your lucky day and you get to use my personal computer.

Then she gets the remainder of the people in line involved in a little forum- isn't it ridiculous we don't have a timeout system?

Passport

Where's the website that will notarize my passport?

Not here

Where are the kids meeting to discuss video games?

Thanks

Thanks to B-12 Partners & Library Support Staff for the reference to our blog-ity-blog. I found you through technorati, a great tool. We appreciate it!

Yahoo!

Still no Yahoos! Therefore, still no video watchers...

Max

Max mumbles hi Amy, how are you?
He says he's fine, but doesn't seem so.

Donations

I've noticed that most donations have price tags on them. It means they have been previously purchased from our bookstore or a garage sale. What goes around comes around.

Happy News

Mr. Kissy-Kissy Hotcakes is back; he blew me a kiss. He's sitting next to Mr. I Can't Read, not good news.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

A service we don't provide

Do you guys have like, um, exam nights here?

Grows up too fast

Ten year old girl grows up too fast: she has a super short haircut with streaks of blonde. Then, a perfect makeup look too.

Your ring?

A man looks at my ring and asks me if it is mine.
Yes, it is.
Is it your personal ring or your college ring?
My college ring.
Oh, but is it your personal ring?
Yes, I designed it myself.
No, is it your personal ring, your birth stone?
No, I just like green.

5 days

Joyous woman calls to renew her books. She says she wishes she could come in today because she is going through withdrawls. It has been five days since she has had something to read, and she can't stand it!

Games

Man walks by and asks me if I found a good game to play. Yep, that's what I do all day, play games.

WebJunction

Thanks to WebJunction for the mention of our blog today;)

Daylight Savings Time

I spent 30 min researching whether or not daylight savings time was in place in 1981.

Yahoos

Yahoos seems to be not working today; therefore, no one can watch the videos for hours! Sorry folks, there is nothing I can do. Isn't that a shame?

Phone books

Woman gives me a puzzled look after I tell her we don't have a phone book for Pocatello, Idaho. Then she wants me to find her water bill online. Ridiculous.

Knitting Students

Knitting Students (Mother/Daughter)- Tell me now, just how do you purl?

Me: I don't know (a lie).

the lines

Our LII turned LIII set a lot of examples for me. Just a couple-
  • When someone is looking @ porn, just walk up and turn off the monitor.
  • When someone asks what are you doing when I'm weeding, just say I'm sorting through the books and sending them off to be repaired.

Newspaper Clipping

Found: In 50 Years of Russian Prose I found a newspaper clipping about the text from 1975.

80 mph in the fastlane and being tailgaited

Lots of jobs and not enough time to please everyone is the theme of today.

-----

Laptop man: Or, so I thought about the man who carries the briefcase. Today I walked by his table and saw it is really a set of about 100 rainbow colored gel pens.

-----

Can I help you?
Yes, get someone who speaks Spanish.
So I get my colleague.
Wow, it doesn't look like he can speak Spanish; look at his skin!

-----

Do you have books on skin and nails? See my nail here (I pretend to look); it is going bad and I don't know what to do.

-----

Can I help you?
I hope so; I've been looking for help for 50 years.
He wants a map of alternate bike routes so he can miss the freeways.

-----

Can I help you?
Do you have a motorcycle manual?
We go and look, then I check the catalog and tell him sorry, no.
His response: Well that's pretty obvious.

-----

Oh, I'll have to order the book for you.
Sah-weet!

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Art of Batik

Caller- Can you look something up for me in your computer?
Sure
Art of Bat-ick.
Oh, you mean Art of Batik?
No, Art of Bat-eek.
We don't have that title.
What are you talking about, hon?
I don't have the title in my database.
Huh?
I don't have the title in my library.
I'm not asking you to look up the title, hon.
I'm sorry, what kind of information are you looking for?
Go online and tell me how much my shirt is worth?
That isn't something I could do over the phone. You probably have to go to an arts / crafts store and ask someone there.
Two of my friends asked and since you are reference I know you know.
Sorry, that isn't something I can help you with.
Bull. (and hangs up)