Friday, September 30, 2005


Wow, today I found two books that had been collecting dust since 1989. Good God, sixteen years, since I was in eighth grade. No one touched the book...

Millie Dickenson's Thumbs Up- The Life and Courageous Comeback of White House Press Secretary Jim Brady

Margot Peters' Mrs. Pat- The Life of Mrs. Patrick Campbell

Keeping my eyes peeled for any book sitting on the shelf since 1984; that's when our database began tracking it.


Shirley and Pat Boones' Honeymoon is Over has been collecting dust for a few years. So, their time on the shelf is so OVER too.

Hurricane Fund

Woman calls asking for the address for the Hurricane Fund sponsored by the Manilow Foundation. I find it and she says, thanks. That makes my heart skip a beat. That, and using double coupons!


I've named the Mr. Seeeee Ya Later guy Greg. Greg comes to the desk, asks me to divide the number 94 in half. I tell him it is 47. Is that an even number? No, it is an odd number, but whole. Make it even. It is next to 46 and 48, but 47 is odd. Oh, 48, that's all I needed to know. Thanks.

Later Greg has an extended conversation with Frank about pages in his military book. If page 5 and 6 are opposite, they are two different pages. The other side of page 6 is 7. Is that the same page? Yes and no. Yes, it is the same leaf of paper. It contains information on each side, so we call that 6 and 7.

As Greg is leaving he asks if there are any openings on Saturday. Yes, we are open on Saturday. No, are there any openings for the computer? Yes. (Like he cares).

Mr. Uh-huh, oh, by the way

Uh huh, oh, by the way. I'm looking for handclips. Technology. Army technology, and the cops have them too. Handclips.

Audience member interjects handcuffs.

Black hawk military too. Yeah, right. Need phone number.

I can just imagine him calling...

Looking for cases

I'm looking for cases during the 16th century of when they buried people alive and they were really in a coma. The "dead" woke up.


A big thanks to Liberry Journal (print edition) for mentioning this blog. Oh, do we wish we weren't anonymous. We'd love to host a story time at the next ALA or Internet Liberrian. Dreams...

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Noisy kid

Excuse me, would you please take your child outside? He has been disturbing people for over an hour.

Mother looks at me like she would never think such a thought and leaves, no questions.

you forgot

You have to put the dot com and then press enter.

What a dumb computer.

you don't say

Where are the books about witches?

Over here...

Ooh, wizards, my dad is a wizard!

Good Question

Max strolls by and stops at the desk to ask where/when his class on the mouse will be. Frank writes down the information. He strolls back to his desk, talking to himself, and Sarah asks Frank, what is he taking. Frank responds, I don't know, I've never asked him!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Didn't win

Max only got one of the six numbers in the lottery. But he'll try again, so I can go to baseball game, buy a stereo, washer, dishwasher, that kind of stuff.

Why would a dishwasher be a priority?


The janitor trashed Sarah's socks/scarf a few days ago. (Those were the ones she was embarrassed about leaving them @ ref desk).

However, the topper is that he bleached some of the floor in the kids area. Today he told the branch manager a "secret"-- he "fixed" it by pouring ink on the bleach spots.

Must be the tomb robbers

I tried to figure out why our copy of Rape of the Nile is missing, even though it has never circulated.

Summary of Tuesday

  • Clueless Mom: We're looking for the pilot to Animal Farm. (plot- Cliffs Notes)
  • I want books on how I can get a job in a bank.
  • Do you have Home Alone in Spanish?
  • Do you have books on how to play the piano in Spanish?
  • How can I contact the person who is doing the Day of the Dead presentation here? I want to buy some sugar skulls.
  • You heard of a book called Da Vinci Code? How would you spell that?
  • Can you call a cab for me?
  • Hey, you should check this site out. Hands me a slip of paper-
  • Can I use your computer? My computer went haywire this morning. Colleague- that's unpleasant.
  • I can't wait till Christmas. My birthday is on Christmas. I get two presents.
  • Do you have cookbooks in Spanish?
  • Where is the Amtrak station?
  • I'd like to sign up for a restroom, uh, I mean a computer.
  • Do you have books on how I can write a business plan?
  • Do you have a passbook on how I can be a dietician?
  • Do you have a study guide for the peril test? (payroll)
  • I need information about witchcraft during 3500 BCE.
  • Citizenship books.
  • Encyclopedia Brittanica and Encyclopedia Americana.
  • (Can I use a computer?) times 100.

Then why?

I discovered it is possible to type in just the 1st 9 digits of an ISBN- leave off the last digit, x or not. If this is true (no exceptions found yet), then why is it necessary to have 10 digits in an ISBN?

Long Ago

Mr. Seeeeee Ya Later, aka Greg, interrupted me as I was helping a man at the desk. Excuse me, are you a radio announcer? Over and over and over. I stopped, and said sorry, but this man over here wants to know if you are a radio announcer. No, I'm not, but thanks. Oh, well you sure sound like one.

Services we don't provide

Can I check out a set of books with puppets, a flannel board, as well as a die-cut machine?

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Liberrian watches Law/Order

I hardly ever, close to never, watch TV. However, I wanted to listen to something while cross-stitching Van Gogh. So, I turned to Law and Order. I was so offended that the liberry tech not only checked the record and gave the information about the person in question, but also took the detectives the liberrian's desk. To top it off, they found the liberrian in the stacks on her YELL phone.

It's like a physics student watching a cartoon. The gravity factor doesn't kick in until after the character realizes he has actually fallen off a cliff.

Max's dream

Gifts from Max


Max marches to the tune of his own drummer,
He's been quiet talkative all summer.
We helped him fill out a quick pick ticket,
And when he wins the lottery- lucky me.

After the fairy waves a magic wand
Max will buy every James Bond DVD,
Why shouldn't he?
Then he'll buy me a Cadillac;
Imagine that.
And I've heard my colleague will receive a Ford Thunderbird,
So that's the word.

He's a generous, happy-go-lucky kind of guy,
Always provides constant entertainment,
Although he'll never know it.

Saturday, September 24, 2005


Nice YA girl wants the movie about the board game that got buried... Jumanji. She also wants manga books.

She was there to watch the woman scream at me and tell me next time she'll beat me up, and she hopes I'll get fired. The girl says she's glad I didn't lose my job! So nice.


Bio of Malcolm X-

I wanted you to know the meaning of the hat before you put it on. Enjoy the hat and especially the book.
All my love,

Sci-fi friend

My sci-fi friend, 80 years old, orders Black Wind. She does so because it was featured in Just Like Heaven's bookstore, big as day. I tell her that the bookstore guy = Napoleon Dynamite. She says, wow, if only he were 75. I don't go for 80 year old men. No way. She doesn't seem like she's 80.

Asian Man

Asian man who didn't get the concept of popups wanted help finding pages about dinosaurs. So we go to google and type it in. Then he says he wants t-rex, so we return to google again. We finally find it and he screams wow, that scary; sure took long time to find it. Thank you.

Saturday am

  • Books/forms for entertainment contract.
  • A series of western books with titles of states- Dana Fuller Ross.
  • What is your name sir? Blah blah blah the third.
  • Creep who wrote me the love letter asks my colleague to research the sex habits of teens.
  • My computer froze. Why don't you move to another one while I restart this one? I can't; I like this chair.
  • I want to look at the newspaper microfilm and read the comics from the 1960's.
  • Books on Aztec/Mayan art.
  • Do you have the address for the local FBI?
  • Do you have the address for city hall? Hey, I member you, you found me a book last time.

Apple doesn't fall far from the tree

Yesterday the thief and his mom came in to have a few words with our branch manager. The mother didn't say she was sorry/embarrassed; rather, wow, I'm surprised, he really enjoys that movie.

Friday, September 23, 2005

I need to research

this guy, I don't know what he did; he was either born or died in 1775. I dunno, I think he fought with Napoleon. I need his picture. He fought like 13 people with 2 minute breaks in between. I get extra credit if I find his picture.

What is today?

Really, Friday? mmmmmmmmmmmmmm


I love you sweetie, or you can go to hell!

You have a nice day, now.


I just found a book that had been sitting on the shelf since 1992!

Incident Binder

I wrote about the incident last night with the thief in the incident binder. Quite an interesting archive. Here are some of the highlights:

  • Two customers complained about a female yelling profanities at them by the entrance. We found a duffel bag in the bushes and a tent pole by the dumpster.
  • Male customer had been using the internet for most of the day. His behavior was odd- walking around, laughing loudly, talking to himself. He made customers feel uncomfortable as they asked to be moved. We asked him to leave and he kicked the chair and shouted obscenities.
  • Group of homeless people congregated 20 feet from entrance. There was a fight and a victim with a bloody eye. Called the police, but most of the crowd had left by the time they came.
  • Homeless woman shouting profanities in the computer room. As she left the building she knocked the doors off the track. Same person attempted to take the typewriter apart.
  • Customer reported a smell in the women's restroom. Woman in the handicap stall was shouting obscenities and had her clothes strewn on the floor.
  • Two men outside began taunting each other. One was waving a large stick.
  • Two men were arguing about a woman. Threats were made; no physical contact.
  • Two customers reported someone bathing and washing clothes in the women's restroom.
  • Loud dispute between 2 couples in lobby.
  • Woman demanded staff finds her belongings. She approached ref and checkout to report the belongings had been stolen. We asked her to describe it and she yelled that is your job. We looked everywhere and eventrually found it. At this point, she began slamming books on the tables and slammed the handle on the water fountain. Then she received a complaint about her offensive odor.
  • Woman and daughter complain of being harassed at the entrance.
  • Homeless congregating outside building. Several shopping carts. People cussed and spit. Feces and urine in the area.
  • Two women fighting over property. They were punching, kicking, screaming, and yelling obscenities.
  • Mentally unstable homeless woman screaming. Someone had stolen his social security money. Ten dollars.
  • Disabled man with "service dog" (dachshund) came to ref desk for assistance. Liberrian took him into stacks and returned to desk to look up more information. The dog barked several times, loudly. Liberrian teasingly told the dog that we do not allow barking in the liberry. Later the customer complained that the liberrian had unfairly singled him out and embarrassed him and his dog.
  • Customer angry a group signed up to use community room for tarot, astrology, divination. He felt this subject = inappropriate.
  • Woman registered same complaint as above. She will contact city council representatives if we don't cancel. She also threatened to picket.
  • Two women were asked not to do their laundry and shower in the restroom.
  • [Another day] woman asked not to do laundry became belligerent and aggressively advanced and used obscenities.
  • Woman in computer room cursed at the typewriter and behaved erratically. She yelled at us.
  • Tall man screamed @ tech: Go back to your place over there, you need to be restrained, you have a bad attitude.
  • Man arrested for exposing himself in YA area.
  • Female standing outside screaming and behaving in threatening manner.
  • Female demands we make announcement about her lost ten dollars.
  • Woman had seizure outside and hit head.
  • Customer complained of woman smoking meth in restroom.

Rough RefGrunt from Friday am

  • What's the word for ringing in the ears? Tinnitus.
  • Where are the books about dogs?
  • Which computer can I use? Any. Can I do eenie-meenie-miney-mo? Absolutely not.
  • Can I borrow the stapler? Here. Where's the black one?
  • Do you have books by Michael Savage? He's a popular dude, funny. He's funny. If you like to read you know some funny stuff. He's on talk radio, very funny. (Gee, I wonder if he is funny?) I tell her there's a waiting list for the most recent one and she says Jimminy Christmas, but that is probably because he is so funny. She returns, do you have One Police Plaza by Caunitz? I have to order it. Thanks a million, this is funny stuff.
  • So if I need to print something...?
  • Endless AT&T woman- can't figure out her online bill, requires the help of 3 liberrians. Didn't have an email, didn't know the concept, they told her she could skip that part because most people don't have an email. Which planet?
  • Can you make this computer make music? They helped me before.
  • Do you have a Disney play? Which one? Any, well the one about Barbie. No. The one about Barbie, how she changes her clothes. No, we don't. Sorry. That's ok, I'll just take the play about Barbie.
  • I help a guy after Frank attempted to upload the pictures to the email. She makes it look so easy, smooth like water. It's just like washing your hands and eating breakfast!
  • How are you? I am on my way to urgent care; I can't breathe. And leans against the desk, totally out of breath. Why was it so important to stop by the liberry?
  • Man is going to go see the museum exhibit. KL has a friend who already went, so she gives him advice: go to the bathroom before you take the tour. They don't let you leave. If you do, you can't return.
  • Mr. Uh huh, hmmm wants to know where the bodies are taken when they leave the crime scene.

When Max wins the lottery

He will buy me a Cadillac and the KL a Ford Thunderbird. Cuz I like you ladies. I do a craft program, get $50 dollars a week, $100 a month. If I do 2, I will get $200. And I'm going to buyBatman Begins, you know that DVD... it is 2 hours, 20 minutes, but real good.

Later he came back to ask for The Secret Life of James Bond. I found it, and it was called The Secret World of James Bond. Do you see that? Yea... So you are married and have a family and all that? Yes.

Not a service we provide

Can I have a hanger? I just locked myself out of my car.


Thanks to the beepers by the exit, we caught a thief red handed. He was trying to coast through the exit on his little scooter with the DVD Alien v. Predator. Of course he denied it- it was my friend, the deaf boy. What is his name? I don't know. Oh, come on, you know. No, I don't. What do you have to say for yourself? Silence. And quote of the week from my tech friend: Would you feel more comfortable if we called the police?

Simultaneously a mother and her 3 year old daughter walked up to me- they were upset because this guy was saying mean things to the little girl. I talked to the boy- excuse me, we have a problem. Would you please apologize to this little girl? Her feelings are hurt. Uh, sorry.

Thursday, September 22, 2005


Most of the books about UFO's and the Bermuda Triangle have mysteriously vanished. Hmmmm...

Can't Stop Laughing

Today has been hilarious, and I know there is more to come:

  • On paper it looks different- I found a scrap that said asshold.
  • Uh huh, mmm guy asks for law offices. What type? How about Jacobean Meyer? Any, I just want to give 'em a call. Then he says he wants to contact the state attorney. He also wants to become a deputy and contact the local department.
  • Lesson for me- Anna Morse, Anna Morphs, Animorphs.
  • Can you help me? Where is this shirt made? In the Philippines. It says so in English and Spanish. Thank you, I didn't see that. Are these computers any different than the ones over there? Yes, they have internet. Oh, I knew that something was different. Later she comes back and shows me her receipts- which one is for the polo shirt I returned? This one. Why does it say 60% cotton and 40% poly twice? One is in Spanish.
  • Do you have Computers for Dummies? I just messed up the programming for uh, what is it honey, ... microsoft, yeah, Microsoft for Dummies.
  • Is this a play or a movie? A play. Oh, it's easy to check 'em [vhs]. And if there is something wrong I'll let them know. I'll check it right now. There could be something you can't see. This one looks good; it is the only play I really ever liked. I must see it.
  • I hunted down an abacus. Being a math girl, I automatically envisioned a compass. Oops.
  • Do you have career books? My daughter thinks she wants to be a nurse, but at 300 pounds, I don't think she'd make a good one.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

4 - 5 pm, Wednesday

  • There's that nice girl who helped me, even on the phone. You deserve a star!
  • I want Italy DVD's, travel guides, and true crime.
  • I want a book for the pastal exam.
  • Where is the out of print section?
  • Holy crap! Why is the waiting list for the audio Harry Potter so long?

12 - 2 pm shift Wednesday

  • Kissy got his hair cut, but is wearing the same red hat.
  • I did a long search (probably unsuccessful) for a young entrepreneurs club.
  • Researched the history of slavery in Brazil.
  • Researched John Ward, pirate.
  • Helped with science fair project: does sugar make you hyper?
  • Looked in Consumer Reports for reviews of cereals (not science fair student).
  • Directed woman to Mary Pope Osbourne's Magic Treehouse series.
  • Looked for Cliff Notes on Bless Me Ultima. Not successful.
  • Gave Max a pencil.
  • Looked for a lawyer named Sam Jones. Another not successful task.
  • Helped Max understand his quick pick- you know I keep you posted, serious. Do you have another pencil, still got that one with the eraser? It looks like rainbow, it does. Two of 'em! Good luck Max! That will be great material for a movie script when he wins...
  • Ordered DVD of electric slide for foreign phone caller.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Doesn't seem possible

I'm creating a cart of biographies we should purchase. One of them (can't recall title) is called The Unauthorized Autobiography of ...

That doesn't make sense. I guess the author didn't get the authorization from the cast of characters. I have never heard.

not really a benefit

It isn't really a benefit to live so close to the liberry where I grew up. Today this guy came to the desk and asked if I attended the local hs. Yes, class of 94. He finished in 96. Great, I look so familiar. He says that would make you 29? You don't look 29. Are you sure, you are really 29? Wow. Have a nice day, Amy.


Security guard deserves an applause:
  • He helped kids with the self-checkout machine.
  • He keeps telling us how much he loves to work here.
  • He is so alert about kids under 18 without a card. He did the little cha-ching and said that's #5.

Because I knit

doesn't imply I crochet. A woman brought her project, yarn, etc and asked me questions about how to crochet a sweater. Sah-ree, I'm no help with that.


Ebay guy who always wears a navy blue sailing shirt got a new shirt: button down. And, a girlfriend too- tiny skirt, dyed blonde hair.

Frank loves ILL's

He's doing one for the older guy from Iraq, who is such a scholar about the decline of the Roman Empire.

Sarah's contribution from today

Sarah calls me from her cell: Amy, Amy, this is one for your blog. I'm so embarrassed (and I'm so ready for a good story). See, it was so hot (AC broken, again), I took off my socks and scarf and left it @ the desk, on the foot stool. I'm so embarrassed!

Saturday, September 17, 2005


I can understand that the man from Iraq doesn't get the calendar for the weekend, Sat/Sun 17/18. However, today this American teen didn't understand it: I'm confused; it makes no sense. Why is it like that?

Nothing left

All the hs kids have been researching biomes this week. The moms came during school and checked out all the books. So, there's nothing left for the slackers. Too bad. Shoulda had mommy do the work.

Shorter attention span

I've been weeding a lot this year, and I've noticed that a lot of the older history books and biographies often have volume 1 and 2, or even more. I think this reflects the dumbing down of America- we have shorter attention spans because we want the information NOW, no waiting.


I'm looking for books on how to spot reduce exercise.


This week we were flooded with 100's of donations... seriously, it's the most I've ever seen.

Totally Clueless

When it comes to maps, directions, north, south, east, west, I am totally clueless. My Magellan GPS system I purchased was worth every penny, and then some.


I just ordered a book online from home 10 minutes ago; where is it?

Let's see, they magically fly off the shelves...

Full Staff

Yea, we have 8 liberrians on board! Here's the cast of characters, by pseudonyms of course:

LIII: Paula
LII: Sharon
LI: Julie
LI: Tara
LI: Sarah
LI: Frank
LI: Amy


Max signed up for my colleague's mousercise class. He always signs up but never comes. Too bad, that would be fun.

Mr. Seeeeeeeeeee Ya Later

has slimmed down quite a bit. In fact, he traded his old blue sweats in for a cool pair of cords. Stylin.

No, we all hate them

Does anyone here like flowers?

And gives me a little boquet from outside.


I said hi to Max but I guess I interrupted his inner voices.


A book by Da Vinci about health and the human body.

Friday, September 16, 2005


When was Meet John Doe released?


Not for sale

Grandmother: Can I buy a framed copy of the Declaration of Independence for my grandson?

Looking for...

Because of Womack (Romek).


A woman in her 60's stood by the desk and told me jokes while I was waiting on hold for another branch to do a shelf check:

What do you call a turtle with no shell?

Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't return?
A stick.

What do you call a woman who has one leg shorter than the other?

Gonna really be in shape

I'm gonna really be in shape. I'm going to cruise the Panama Canal and I already take pilate lessons.

It is hilarious when people forget the s as in pilate(s) or Starbuck(s), or add an s as in I'm going to the liberries.


  • Book with pictures of tiaras
  • Black Hole movie
  • Tai Chi books and movie


DRF man wants us to print out the entries for the horse races. However, the statistics/predictions aren't listed yet. He says they are too damn lazy.

National Geographics

Do you have NG's?
Yes, they are all over here.
Wow, this is the best liberry in the world. Oh God, look at all of them. All by year, huh?

Mr. Seeeee Ya Later

is going to "get some more cars (Hot Wheels) before he hands 'em over."

Can't wait.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005


do you have D?
D as in dog?
A minute later... yes, D as in dog.

Do you have a thin paper? And I want to check this out to read in the lobby bathroom. He holds the book up to the light and flips through it, as if he is looking for money. Then asks for the letter H.

Another genealogy guy...

My family traced back to the 1600's; you need lots of hands to keep a working farm going.

And I come to find out they were married. I'm gonna find out about da kids, that's the last part I'm gonna throw at them. The names of the cities, little one, is it. A township in Philadelphia.

Alright, see, according to that you'll find that's their marriage date, how they got mixed up? I don't know. Unless they wanted you to dig for it.

Sit and think about things for a little bit and go another what I call these... take the page out of another book, another place: all of a sudden you see the dates on that one word. Cuz we were both sittin there and I spotted it and I say is this what you are looking for!

My colleague: Very interesting...

Now if you read books, and I know you do, turn the page over and find out what they are talking about. And that's me. I turn it over. Who are you? How do you fit? Gets into it...

I was hear earlier this morning and they said you wouldn't be here until 1, so I came back to tell you this.


He is one day older than me. We didn't know until we went down to sign the marriage licence.

Subject Request

coming from neighbor branch. The patron wouldn't give her name/number, but wants us to find a quote in the Christian Science Journal. And please don't fax the question. We have to wait for inner office mail. Confidential.


Woman: I don't need this crap, and now I have to pay for it?!

Uhaul Games

Do you have Uhaul games?
I'm thinking, like pack up the boxes and load them?
She meant yahoo.

Spanish speaking

woman asks about my colleague, he's here, the guy?

Elderly Engineer

wants to know about electric cars. He's bright.

Spell it

Erinburg, Arizona


Intellectual, and define intellectual.
Define intelligence.
How are they different?

Purchase Request

Woman whispers she wants us to order: Pull Yourself Up By Your Bra Straps by Jeanne Bice. The woman is a fan of the QVC channel. At least she whispered.

Whiney Friend

She's back, the "will you do it for me" girl. She asked me to take it in the back room and do her report. I said, no, you always ask me to do that. She said, but it will just take 2 minutes, puh-lease?

Tuesday, September 13, 2005


How much are prints?

Fifteen cents a page.

What if I brought my own paper?

Cluelessness of the day

Type in blah blah blah dot gov.
She types dot job.
Save as elephant dot jpeg.
He types eliphant.
Mom and highschool son come to the desk. He stands there, staring at nothing. The mom prompts him, well Bob, tell her what you need. And he said, oh.

Like Zoot, I'm uh...
You're Zoot, sax is your ax.... he skipped a groove.

Party Planners

We're having a baptism downtown on Sunday; where can we have the reception for 25 people?

At the church hall, a restaurant, your backyard, a park... they kept saying NO. Fortunately they spoke Spanish, so I didn't have to deal with their nonsense.

Random Questions --- International

  • books about Christmas in Germany
  • Books about electricity in Spanish
  • Books about anatomy in Arabic

Marian's movie man friend

checks in today to get Apollo 13. He should really buy a DVD player soon.

Only a liberrian would understand

how annoying it is to have an ISBN that ends in an X or a patron record / item record that ends in an A!


ooh, just discovered a hack: enter the ISBN sans the X into a database and the title comes, i.e. 087113893(x)


Mr. Kissy Hotcake

waves, blows kisses, says hey cutie, and fans himself- whew, it's hot! What other job would I find something like that?


Here is how you do it- select the part you want to print, go under file, choose print, select the color printer, press ok. (times 10 examples) Would you like to take over? No, because I don't know what to do.


Two boxes of travel sized toothpaste showed up in the break room. I wonder if Max would like one.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Jim Henson, on Kermit

"Kermit's function on this show is very much like my own in that he's trying to hold together this group of crazies. And that's not unlike what I do."

page 78, It's Not Easy Being Green, 2005

I completely agree; what an excellent way to describe my job too!

Some serious Muppet Mayhem

Today I got the new Muppet book, It's Not Easy Being Green, before it even hits the stores! And, September 28 is the day the postage stamps of my friends hit USPS. I'll be sure to buy them all, plus the merchandise. What a great month, and my birthday too! Bring it on...

Marian requested/suggested I write about Ancient Rome

If I lived in Ancient Rome
I'd sure feel at home
Going to the coliseum
Living each day through carpe diem.
I'd wear a toga
Maybe invent yoga.
I'd drive a cart
and appreciate art.
I'd get paid the big bucks
to build aqueducts.

But I'd pay any amount
to know Count von Count
To live on Sesame Street
would be really neat
Especially with lots of
books to read!

-- Amy, September 2005

Sunday, September 11, 2005

More Odd Poses from Miss Craig Posted by Picasa

From a book entitled, Face Saving Exercises from Miss Craig

Oddest book ever Posted by Picasa

Outdated? No way!

Note: All of these books were checked out within the past year or so---

1989, How to Select and Use Minolta Maxuum Cameras

1982, Photography Turning Pro

1984, Darkroom Handbook

1970, Relief Print Making (pictured below, from my modern digital camera)

1980, You Can Sell Your Photos

1979, 35 mm Photographers' Handbook

1981, How to Compose Better Photos

1978, Basic Steps to Photography

Retro / Vintage Posted by Picasa

I wonder if a pet store would even have

a video about how to build a pond for koi fish?


Paralegal researching a case wants to know what time the sun rose on December 22, 1998 (rough date). We look in the almanacs and microfilms, but she wants the exact time, taking into account the tilt of the earth for this particular city. Like Max says, Good God! I referred her to the local university's astronomy department. Bet they loved me for it.

Woman returns book

and I say thanks. She says why do you say thanks? What a grump.


So we don't have to sign in or nuttin?

Gee, I totally forgot, yes, here's the sign in sheet. What do people think?


do I go to this website, www and an http along with a couple slashes, and the rest of the paper is torn off...

Please articulate

Do you have I Committed in My Hands?

i.e. Eichmann in My Hands


Sometimes I think some of these reference scenes would be excellent material to submit to Candid Camera.

Stress off the charts woman

I knew the second I picked up the phone that it was the woman with a stress level off the charts. She recognized my voice too, is this Amy? Yes. You are the best, the most helpful liberrian I've met!

No such luck

Poetry on Ancient Rome?

Solution: write your own.


A to Z Handicrafts-

I ran around as if shot from a pistol
to find a store that stocked some crystal.
Patience now will yield delight
Water goblets & wine are soon in sight.

Happy Birthday. Love forever,


Saturday, September 10, 2005

Mr. Gotta Split

You closed Monday, I see you guys are closed Monday. It is Monday.

No, we will be here.

You're not? I thought you were closed. Okay, they're not. Oh, good.

To me- I got some Hot Wheels for you later on. I gotta clean my room up; right now it is a minefield. My room is a minefield.

Movie Max

On Sat. I'm working with our LIII at the desk and here comes Max. He hasn't seen her in a while, so he tells her he just bought 8 movies, and lists them. He got them at Walmart, a little good deal. You know the Jack in the Box commercial for the club sandwich? I got one of those... and a coke.

LIII: Max, are you saving any of this money?

Max: Yea yea. About half, no I mean $60, no, I mean I have a ten and a one.

8 year old girl

If I read two more, how much money will I get? My sister said I would get one thousand one hundred and twenty dollars.

Cell phone ring

Woman's cell phone rings and guy next to her starts grooving in his chair. He says, makes me wanna dance.

Throws me paper

Guy throws me the paper, a xerox copy of a title page: something like Caring Enough to Forgive, published 1981. Of course we don't have it. He is angry- you gotta have it somewhere, it is right here.


Is he really caring enough to forgive, or too upset?

again, either "I will knock you out" OR

You are incredible. You're the bomb, thanks a lot!

John Deere hat guy

It is kinda slow today. Just my luck, I just happen to be all tired.
Then why come?

Friday, September 09, 2005


Nobody knows what the hell I am talking about. Hell, I don't even know what I am talking about. I always went with white machines, I like white. I'm not going to buy no manual, especially. How old is the machine? Too used to the ones that pop in on the side. This one actually sits down, you know, and has like three different things to keep the bobbin from moving, and it still moves. Pain in the ass. Throw the machine away and get another. You shouldn't have to do anything to the bobbin. The needle does the rest. Think I could find it in an encyclopedia? Hmmmmm, manual found, I mean, comeon, it is their own damn company. You know, come on, you ain't have the bobbin, you ain't sewin. It's the bobbin, mmm, hmmm, you find it, email it with the order. Haha.

Would you like me to order the book?

No, I'm stayin right here. I'll figure it out, figured everything else out. Yeah, much I'll have to shave it down a little bit, whatever. Thing is still moving. Fixed that needle doesn't move no more. I don't know...

Won't mention any names, but

my daughter just moved in with me. She used to live with her dad. One of us is more proactive in her learning. That's why we are here tonight.

Either "I will knock you out" OR this

You are da bomb, girl. You go, girl!

HS girl is looking for...

Gray Gadsbee

Video or DVD?

Do you want that on video or DVD?

VH, I got VH.


This is an Iraqian CD. I am Iraqian. I like this liberry.

Mr. Gotta Motor

Eleven o'clock? Eleven o'clock? Already? Oh great, I've gotta eat lunch in ten minutes.


Reminds me of I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date!


Hi Aim-ee! You got um, James Bond?

Thursday, September 08, 2005


Joy Luck Club: Marilee- Congratulations on reaching your 50th, I mean 39th birthday. Many more. Love, Roger and Mary

older guy

Mentions book/movie: how can I say, probably a little stuff goin on, if you know what I mean.

Max and his movies

Hi Amy.
You aren't sitting in your normal seat (364.1523).
Yea yea, I know, someone took it. (sad)
Guess what, I bought movies. Spy who shagged me, James Bond, World is not enough, What women want, Reloaded, matrix reloaded, yea. I had 469 movies; now I have 477 of them.


I hear a voice- "gonna have her neck cut off!"

Sad to weed this one-

Hokie y Pokie. It looks so precious.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005


I need to know the origin of my obscure last name in 15 minutes so I can call my grandson across the country.

hoping won't help

How do I get email?
I suggest you sign up at
Oh, I was hopin' you'd do it for me, is that cool?

I should buy it

a must have



Cut / Paste lesson

Wow, you are so smart. Boy, you work hard.

Still haunts me

When is your next knitting class? This week?

No idea

Where is the scantron?

Mind Games

Now I wonder if the deaf boys are playing mind games with us: they asked me for headphones. I really do think they are deaf, but now I am not so sure.


Today I talked to our LII, and she believes he is very practiced at playing mind games; he probably can hear. Oh no...


This brilliant girl from Russia, age 24, has read all of our books in German. She also knows Russian (obviously), English, Spanish, and French. Genius.

Adult Man

I need to see if you have Great Gatsee or whatever it is.


What's the temp outside?
Hmmm, it says 96.
Oh, cuz it is all screwed up on Main Street out there. Temp is not right.

Eclectic Movie Man

Requests Return to Me and Spartacus.

Weeds of the day-

Exercise section: books by Richard Simmons, Cher, and Oprah. The hilarious/sad thing is that they were checked out within the past month.

Prairie Baroness by Robert J. Steelman: writing in cover- dull, poor, bad.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Height of Rudeness

So around 7:30 I go around and invite those internet people who don't know how to tell time. A woman screams you are rude. Don't be rude. You are very rude. And then she lets everyone go ahead of her in line. She tells the kids, don't let her bug you, she is rude. You are fine. Come here honey, come on.


And a woman came up and whispered, that lady, she is out of her mind.
I replied, I know, I have learned to have thick skin!

She filled out a comment card that read: Amy is extremely NASTY to everyone on the computers.

Then she tells the security guard that if it ever happens again, she (and will instruct her children) will "knock me out."

The level of logic blows me away! And, the irony of the situation is that I was only trying to HELP her get a computer. Good Lord!

for whom?

Do you have those instruction booklets? My tax preparer asked me to pick them up for him?

Edgar Allen Poe

Do you have Edgar Allen Poe's Stories of Macabre (should be pronounced ma-cob, but they said macabree).

Not so easy to please

I need a book set in the time of 1492 to the present. Any time in that span.

Do you like fiction or nonfiction?

Fiction, the true stories.

That's nonfiction. Any topic?

Anything, I don't care.

Easy to please

Do you have a particular topic to research in the database?
I'm Jimmy, I'll take what you gimme.

Max checks in

How was your Labor Day, Amy?
Did you have the weekend off?
I had hamburgers, beans, macroons, macaroni salad... Today, not Labor Day, so we had hotdogs, fries. Is the summer over?
Yes, but it still is hot, so it still seems like it.
Yea yea.
Turns to my colleague, call him James.
Jasper, right?
No, Max, I'm James.
Oh yea yeah.


20 min later

James, sir gentleman (bows).
Yes Sir Max.
Oh yea, yea. I appreciate that Sir James.
Did you know I just turned 48 on August 23? Fifty, almost. A long shot.
Did you adopt that James Bond book?
Yeah, ok. I mean, hmmmm...
It might be checked out, Amy. Cuz it might be checked out though.
Yea, ok. Ha ha. Yea, that's like the topper, cuz.
Does that say Bewitched? Is that Bewitched? Yea yea.
Steps aside and mumbles like crazy to his inner voices.
You don't have to do that (check database).
I told him about 1000, 99 maybe something like that.


Then he asks security guard for a dollar.

DVD Requests

Do you have My Cousin Vinny?
Sure, I've never heard of that one. (not unusual)
Oh, it is comedy. You watch it, you will crack.

oh so rude, the public

I can't stand answering to Woman, Woman!

Reminds me of ANIMAL.

How are you?

I had to call an old man to tell him the last copy is missing; thus, we won't be able to fill the hold. I asked him how are you, and he said not bad for an old goat. So cute.

Friday, September 02, 2005


guy wants me to fill out his patent application. I tell him it is a service we don't provide, and he zooms away in his wheelchair, high gear. The new liberrian asks me if there is a speed limit in here. There really should be one.


Thick accents kill me: Do you have something on the Mormon, Joseph Smeet?

Since I know nothing about Mormons, I look for Smeet, when I should have typed Smith.

Frustrated Mom and bratty son

Shut up? Is that what you said? You say that again, and you'll find out what it means. Apologize before I knock you out, right here!

Deaf boys

take advantage of the fact the new liberrian is new. They write her notes, the boy in red is bothering me. Am not. Are too. But she is so cool, a mother of twin boys... she tells them they need to get along and walks away. She will be awesome for this branch!

Thick Accent

Ebooks are somewhat new to our system. An old man with a thick accent called four times. I only talked to him once. This is the first time in my life I have looked at an ebook. But I read 19 out of 190 pages and walked away; now I can't find it. This is the first time in my life. He'll call back, I guarantee that. I asked him if we could call him tomorrow; he said no, it is easier if he calls. And, ironically, the title he wanted was Preventing Identity Theft for Dummies!


I taught a man (repeated lesson several times) how to copy, paste, and expand the lyrics to Kumebayah. Then we printed it, but he freaked because we ran out of paper and never thought he'd see his precious lyrics.


I taught a man how to find Hudson Bay, E4, on a world atlas. He was about 45.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Conspiracy guy

is in to pick up his ILL. He said he had to write on the blackboard for three or four hours because I was a German. Then he contradicts himself and says he's mostly Swedish.

2 old men

Can I help you with the copy machine?
He hasn't gone up to bat yet.

For sale?

Do you have Shelter Island, I mean Shutter Island for sale?


Today I'm wearing my FRIENDS shirt, and a man asks for books on tagalog because I wanna make uh, friends.


Obscure hobby: The guy is researching gas pumps, but most of the information we found was about collecting antique ones.

Lies, Lies

Do you have the consumer reports for September? I need to get an air filter for my daughter. I almost got one, but heard they are all lies, lies, lies. You should read it. It is very interesting.

Kissy and I Can't Read

Mr. Kissy has his hat turned about fifteen degrees off center and Mr. I Can't Read has his head down, GOOD.


Good one from the archives:

Question: World News Now - what is the temp index shown on the tv at the end of the show?

Answer: The temps are taken from 10 random cities selected for geographic location and added together. Cities as Fargo, Miami, and Phoenix are used. The "index" actually has no meaning- it is a prank!

Speed Survey

Woman trying to protest a ticket: What is the speed survey results on this street, this block, in December?