Vocab

From our LIII-----

I was patrolling the outside courtyard area during our daily afterschool invasion when I heard a word which had no business being uttered by a 12 year old on public library property. I confronted the kid, who said "No lady, you're wrong - what I said was 'shiite' - that's an Ok word, right?" I said "Sure. Use it in a sentence." He hemmed and hawed and finally said, "He smells like shiite." I said "Wrong answer! You're outta here!"

I Grokked Them

Pictures of my I Grok ___ buttons from the conference on a scarf I knit in the airport.

Mr. Seeeeeeeeee ya later

aka Mr. What Time Is It? Three o'clock already? Gotta motor!

I'm told he recently said... "What time is it?" "Oh d___, gotta go offline." and as he walks away, he toots, propelling him onto the copy machine!

--------------------

Ironic b/c I've never seen him ONline.

Internet Librarian Hilites

Air SAM (Sesame and Muppet) is great to fly. Sam Eagle is painted on the plane; Beakie is the pilot. However, don't fly it if you ever want to see your luggage again. I should have taken the advice from Meet the Parents- never check your luggage!

Monterey is like Ireland and Cabot Cove. Once I finally arrived...

• I listened to the movie stars of the search world: Mary Ellen Bates, Greg Notess, Gary Price, Lee Rainie...
• Several audience members live blogged the whole thing.
• Keywords of the conference: podcasting, RSS, wiki. Last year it was blog.
• Ask Jeeves still tries to keep up with Y! and G.
• Fun prizes (will picture) from Grokker.com.
• Awesome Microsoft woman admits she carries a powerbook wherever she goes. I hope she has a job when she gets home.
• And, friends from grad school came! I'm the only one with a blog about the liberry though.

Lunch--time!

Today I went to have lunch @ the branch to catch up. As I was walking from my car I was stopped by the annoying man- have you read James Joyce's Ulysses? How about this 364.1523- about a murder in 1947, but just solved recently. Know why? It was a cover up from the government and the LAPD. You should read it.

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Then I talk to Sarah- I'm jealous because Max showed up to her computer class. No, he didn't know a thing about the keyboard, but picked up things at a good pace. His meds seemed to keep him stable. But, he kept asking where's Frank (Max came on the wrong day). What's your name? Sarah. Oh, Cathy? No, Sarah.

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Nothing much new- Mr. By the Way continues to drive everyone NUTS.

Chef

I'm no chef, but Marian is quite the opposite. One day she told me about this cookbook. I thought she said it was called Out and Browned, but it was really one by Alton Brown. Alton Brown should write one with that title.

tweet, clank

-----Original Message-----

From: Otherlibrarian
Sent: Wednesday, October 19, 2005 9:48 AM
To: Mailing List
Subject: Uceli di robot



Patron is looking for an English translation of Uceli di Robot, which she describes as a book about the life of a priest who falls in love with a woman, who then has a son. She thinks the title translates to The Robot Bird, but I am not finding anything, and she doesn't know the author. I checked WorldCat and Amazon under the Italian title but came up with nothing.

Any help to confirm who the author is and whether this has been translated into English is appreciated.

Reference Librarian
City (state) Public Library


-----Original Message-----

From: Marian The
Sent: Wednesday, October 19, 2005 10:05 AM
To: Otherlibrarian
Subject: RE: Uceli di robot

Hey,

I think what this actually is is THE THORN BIRDS, by Colleen McCullough!

The Italian title is UCCELLI DI ROVO.

hahahaha. The Robot Bird!

--Marian The
(City) County Library



-----Original Message-----

From: Otherlibrarian
Sent: Wednesday, October 19, 2005 10:35 AM
To: Marian The
Subject: RE: Uceli di robot



Thank you, thank you, thank you. That makes much more sense! The closest I could get is The Wind-up Bird Chronicle by Murakami, which has a totally different plot.

Anyway, we're happy now.

Tweet, clank. (My own robot bird)


Reference Librarian
City (state) Public Library


-----Original Message-----

From: Marian The
Sent: Wednesday, October 19, 2005 10:05 AM
To: Otherlibrarian

The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle! That's perfect.

It's a good thing I didn't think of that or I probably wouldn't have been able to come up with anything else--you know how you get something in your mind and it sticks?

Anyway, thank Google's spell check...

ME: uceli di robot?

GOOGLE: Do you mean Uccelli di Rovo?

ME: I don't know, maybe I do.

GOOGLE: Yes, you do. Here.



Glad to be of help.

Tweet, clank (hee!)

--Marian The
(City) County Library

Max surfaced

of course, after I left. Where have you been? I've been home watching my movies. Then he signed up for a couple classes (he won't show up though). I should have guessed Max would be connected to the TV.

Nickel and dimed to death

Today I spent 20 minutes helping a young man who had spent 3 hours typing his term paper on one of our computers, and wanted to email it to his home computer. He didn't have a disk to save it to, so I loaned him a disk, showed him how to save his document, then how to attach it to his email. He printed a copy (9 pages) to see how it would look and found that the spacing was messed up after the first page. I showed him that he had somehow set it for full justification, and the program was simply trying to fit his words into that amount of space on each line. We did a select-all, reset the formatting, and saved it again. He printed a second copy (another 9 pages) to check that it was right. When he was asked for another $1.35, he had a fit! He insisted he shouldn't have to pay because the first printing came out wrong. He demanded to talk to a supervisor, so they called me over. I explained to him that because it was (his) human error, not computer error that caused the problem, he would have to pay for the second print job. He ranted and raved about how cheap we were and demanded my name so he could write a complaint to the newspaper. Some days are just like that...

Rain

I love it how the roof leaks when it rains. We always collect the water with a small trash can. However, the customers think that is a place to store their umbrellas. I think we have a picture of it somewhere...

Straight from the Eagle

"They are all weirdoes!"
--- Sam Eagle ---

Thumbs Up!

This morning I was shelving and kept hearing this ear-splitting scream from a little kid. When I couldn't stand it any longer, I tracked it down and found it was coming from a little boy about 1 1/2 years old, sitting in his stroller while his oblivious mom checked her email. Neither of them spoke English, so I knelt down in front of the kid and started pantomiming shushing motions and zipping my lip. When he stopped screaming to try to figure out what I was doing, I smiled broadly and made a thumbs-up gesture. That got a smile out of him. I went back to shelving, but whenever he started to make noise again, I'd put my head around the corner and hold a finger to my lips. He would stop the noise and smile at me and then I'd give him the thumbs-up. Wish they were all that easy!

Tales about Max from HQ

At first (ten years ago) Max scared the heck out of me. But as time went by I began to worry if didn't see him for a while. When I didn't see him at the branch I would see him walking by the Credit Union. He seems to hang out somewhere in that area. I still see him in the area roaming the streets. There were times that he would disappear for months at a time and then lo and behold he would be waiting at the front door...
------------------

I think that we all have a Max story that we can share. My favorite is the day he was standing in the middle of nowhere yelling at the top of his lungs saying "you are a racist, fascist beep, beep, beep....... There was no one anywhere near him.. Then he said, "if you want a piece of me go ahead and swing....." There was no one there, then he turned around and walked out!!!!

----------------
One time I was in the Barnes & Noble. I heard a voice I recognized and looked up to see Max! He said, "Excuse me, but where do you keep the Four Sports Stadium Guide?" I don't know if it was a legitimate question or if he was just pulling my leg - sometimes it was hard to tell with him! I just laughed and said. "Hi, Max!" and he wandered away... :)

Wrapping it up

I spent 4 hours @ the circus desk- 4-8 pm; a total of 6 today.

• Deaf boys and gang swearing in Chaldean. I had to tell them they must leave if they keep it up. The leader of the gang said his friend is spanking him. Boys, you've gotta work it out amongst yourselves.
• I want books to learn English from the bottom up.
• Define quality.
• Info on the adoms, like, who started it.
• Stonehenge- I found a book about opposing viewpoints. I wonder what the controversy would be? Something to research.

Bye Liberry!

Asked Frank

By the way, I had to ask Frank to say goodbye to Max for me.

Your assignment?

What's your assignment?

Name five things that were good about Constantinople.

Where's your job coach?

Mr. By the Way was wandering again today. He wanted info on TicketMaster, sporting goods stores, and printed out about 50 pages of basketball schedules. We asked him where's your job coach? He said, it's a secret. I put him in a cage.

Later we found the jc and he said why did you print these? Mr. By the Way said, tomorrow. JC said, not tomorrow!

Yip-pee!

Yip-pee! My last day. We're having a cookie party, and here's my contribution-- Seeeeeee ya later, James Bond, By the Way, Huh????

Mr. Seeeee ya later

When he finds something he screams, yip-pee! Never voice modulation. Yip-pee!

Do you have

Do you have a biography on L. Frank Baum, or did he live a really boring life.

Where

Where is manda?

Can you tell me something more about manda?

Those Japanese characters.

Oh, manga?

Don't get it

Boy who stole the DVD wants me to define gained. He has to write about what he has gained, learned, or discovered. I tell him it is similar to learned or discovered.

Then he has a girlfriend come and ask me the same.

After that, he has one of the deaf boys have me define gained.

Hello

Hello.

Can I help you?

No, I just came by to say hi. I haven't seen you in a while, and I like your bright, beautiful smile.
-----------
And guess what- after tomorrow I will never see you again!

Names

Mother has two sons named something like Sean James and James Sean. Insane.

Fun Fact

from Oct/Nov 2005 Reading Today

"There are more public libraries in the US (including all branches) than there are McDonald's restaurants."

Mr. By the Way

printed a bunch of papers about God knows what. He goes to the Circus Desk and grabbed a handful of prints. My tech friend tells him those are not his, and he needs to pay for them by the way. Oh, by the way, huh. Then he returns and grabs more. Repeat and repeat. Oh, by the way. Hmmm.

1986

1986 was when I turned 10 and also the last time the book Como Pintar a la Acuarela was checked out. I'm weeding the Spanish section for Frank.


--------------------

And, I found another book old enough to have a record!

Really?

Last night we asked this customer if he wanted to receive notification via email or mail. He had us enter his gmail account. He said, you guys should really email me and I'll send you an invite. Gmail is awesome, and the only way you can get it is by invite. I have 100 of them, I used to have fifty.

Stand and Deliver or nothing

Poor Julie, her first YA program. Our Stand and Deliver tape is broken, and the audience is acting like my calligraphy class- I marked that on my calendar, I don't want to see anything else except S and D. So Frank saved the day! Had to motor to Blockbuster to appease the crowd.

I used my calligraphy bomb as an example of a failure in my interview. Made them laugh.

Just love the CD burners

Amy, we need your help. A woman is trying to burn pictures to a CD. Be careful because she has been coughing and picking her nose. Of course it doesn't work, so we save them one by one to a disc. So retro. So time consuming. They are all of Smallville, and she wants the big one of his head, because he is my boyfriend. I can't find that one, and she says, you don't like me, do you?

I've learned not to take it personally.

Well, should they be?

I was helping a girl find out if there was a warrant out for her boyfriend and the customer next to her said, hey, what is that database, I think I need to check on an employee of mine. He comes back, good to know there's no one looking for me!

Patron of the Day

Yesterday (another good one) I missed the patron who has a ten inch rip in the seat of his pants. He must know!

We try not to make it too comfortable, but we failed

My tech friend says Amy, you just missed a good one- this guy was sound asleep on the stall. I looked under the door and saw his feet and pants rolled down to his ankles. I knocked on the door and said wake up! He said, I'm up, I was not asleep. I said, yes you were; I heard you snoring. Finish your business and get out!

New friendship

Mr. Indian Book asked Sarah are you mad at me? She said, no, are you mad at me? He said no; she responded, well, then we are friends!

Slip of the tongue

Freudian slip: Sharon just referred to our circ desk as the Circus Desk. Good term. We really are a three ring circus: Service, Circulation, Reference desks.

Oscar the Grouch

At t minus 40 hours left at this branch, I never thought I'd be so sad about leaving. For two years I have been wishing for my job at headquarters, and now that I have it, I realize how much I'll miss here. I'm just like Oscar- I'm not happy unless I'm sad; Prozak isn't just for humans!

No matter how many times you ask, the answer is NO!

Info on turbin engines, blueprints. Nothing? Amazing. Geez, engines in general. Internal combustion engines are all basically... well, they work a little bit different, but very similar to jet liners.

Misunderstand

Do you have stuff on oral concert? i.e. oral cancer

Ancient Egypt

Woman and daughter ask for books on Ancient Egypt. I say 932, but they are clueless, so I start to walk them to the kids section. We make it half way, and the woman screams, I don't want no children's book, I said nuttin about no children's book. (Keeping in mind it is for a fifth grader).

Eddie Bauer v. who?

Pest who always asks impossible questions asks, am I full of questions or something else?

Then, he sees my Eddie Bauer sweatshirt and asks if I follow baseball. Um, not really, why? Well, who is Eddie Bauer, isn't that your team? Um, no.

Spelling

Are there 2 o's in chocolate?

Found

a box cutting sharp razor-knife.

See-you-later?

I say bye to the guy who has spent all day looking at dinosaurs online. He says, ha-low? Then I say see you later. He looks puzzled and says, what you say? See -- you -- later? Yeah, like, I'll see you next time, like tomorrow. Oh, see---you----later.

Then another guy walks by and says, dude, that guy was weird.

Off with their heads

As I weed, I like to say off with their head--

• Little Richard
• Mary Lou Retton
• Art Linkletter
• JLo, Ricky Martin, Mandy Moore, and Britney, not weeded, surprised they are still there
• Bela Lugosi, looks just like Count Von Count
• Courtney Love(d) to death- book in pieces
• Tim McCarver, a baseball guy
• Ed McMahon, we have an updated one
• Nelson Mandela one has reader's note: "trouble in the forest"
• Maxine Marx- note says pages are falling out, dated 1985; why did we still have that one? Off with its head
• Ethel Merman
• Christopher Milne (interesting, must have named Christopher Robin after himself)
• Splendid Poseur, Joaquin Miller- note says Devin Gregory, poet, read this, January 2003
• Phyllis Newman
• Nixon- has an index card that reads-

Now am I supposed to feel about the things I've done
I dunno if I should stay or turn around and run
The only love I ever knew I threw it all away
My smile is an open wound without you.

(Pretty good poem I must say).

• Leslie Nielsen
• Beyond Uhura- Star Trek and Other Memories, Nichelle Nichols
• Mabel- Hollywood's First I Don't Care Girl
• Annie Oakley- bookmark says I'm in a reading moooooooood!
• Apparently Rosie O'Donnell still has fans; same with Dolly Parton and Donny/Marie Osmond
  
• Kim Novak: Reluctant Goddess
• Measure of Man, Poitier's bio- postcard reads: Dear Colleen, Gene told me you weren't coming to the reunion and I'm so sorry to hear that. Max, Patricia, and Malcolm are all coming. You could have had a reunion within a reunion. William's son Mark called me Sat and said him, his 2 younger sisters, andWilbur will be coming. Paul, his oldest son is awaiting a 2nd kidney transplant. He had one ten or twelve years ago. We'll miss your lively, smiling face and was hoping to meet your "kids." Love, Blanche

Mr. By the Way

I feel like asking him where the hell is your job coach?!

----------------

He always starts, by the way, uh hmmm, um, do you have pictures of executions? Shoplifters? Army supply stores? Lists of people on death row and the dates they'll die? Military store and the place they get the shackles? Big 5? Got any info about the WCW, at the sports arena, ticket master? Oh yeah, the t-shirt too, with the logo? I'm gonna be in the front row seat.

----------------

All of these requests are during different visits; he circles the liberry several times.

Cute Old Lady

You're the one I pester the most.

Huh?

Do you have the play about the girl on a ship who gets put to work during a hurricane? I saw the play with my friend; I'll never see her again because she moved.

Guy and his tattooed friend

Guy: Do you know Tommy Lee? This (pointing to friend) is Tommy Lee.

Ditz

I want books about paint on wood.
Are you doing a craft project?
Yeah.
I show her the books. She actually wants books about the effect of paint on wood; i.e. weather proofing. Science fair.
Do you have the question written down?
Um, no, I gave it to my teacher.
Ditz.

Mr. By the Way's friend

I come awake and then I come here. Looking for CD. Not here.

Morse Code

Woman wants tape and book to learn Morse code. We have a tape, but it is useless without the book.

Poor kid

Mother wants books on states and state flags. Her son, the poor kid has to draw the flags. My computer is on the fritz and I don't know how to get plugged in.

Peter Pan

Do you have that Peter Pan movie with Sandy Duncan?
Who?
Sandy Duncan. Don't you know her, the Triscuit lady?
No, I don't watch TV.

Out of print

The book you want is out of print.

Hot doggies!

Where oh where

Where oh where is Max? I haven't seen him in a week. I hope I see him before I leave...

Mr. Seeeeee ya later

I finished the tank series! Gives me 2 thumbs up, and moves hand like a remote control button. 8 months, that took me 8 months! I finished!

------------

Now what will he do?

Makes no sense

Can you print out the article on employment discrimination from Hertz.com?

Wait?

Do you have the book I ordered?
Yes.
You said I'd get a letter in the mail.
Yes, it usually comes a couple days after the book arrives.
So, do you want me to wait until I get the letter?

Microfiche help

We need help with the microfiche machine. What is the problem? Too many Indians.

Mural

We have a new mural on the back wall near the literacy center. Paula, Frank, and Katie (she's worked here 25+ years) are on it. Who should really be there?

1. Max-- front and center with James Bond book and stack of DVDs
2. Mr. Seeeee Ya Later
3. Mr. where are School House Rock and Nascar books
4. Mr. Indian book
5. Mr. Kissy Hotcake
6. Avon Lady
7. Russian man in his shiny red scooter in high gear
8. Man who likes asking obscure questions like what does the name Florence correspond to in animals
9. Mr. No-Problem Arabic man
10. Group of boys who ask for Bruce Lee movies
11. Guy who sits in corner and coughs, never says anything
12. Man from Iraq -- Frank always helps him
13. Whiny girl- will you do my work for me?
14. Military man -- plays games on a black screen
15. Mr. I'm so happy to see you, help me with Shrek2.com
16. Kumebayah lyrics outdoorsy man
17. Mr. turn off the computer screen and stare
18. A few sex offenders (local color)
19. Attention starved math guy
20. Old man with skinny gray ponytail who took all my computer classes. He is friends with wheelchair lady, #37.
21. Creep who wrote me love letter-- perfect picture, ask Marian
22. Mr. Hmmmmmmm, by the way, do you have books on criminals, wears outrageous belts.
23. Deaf boys and their friend who stole DVD
24. Retired paratrooper with walker.
25. Guy who made me origami treasures, and to put it nicely, is always glued to the internet
26. Ebay man who wears sail boats navy t-shirt, unless he's with his girlfriend
27. Bold Irish Creep- I keep expecting to find him on sex offender list
28. Grumpy suspenders guy- his hobby is to complain about ANYTHING
29. Conspiracy guy
30. FOTL who donated stuffed cat to kids area; she used to be a grump until I killed her with kindness.
31. The loud woman with the NY accent and her sister who never says a word
32. Old lady who plays bingo and solitaire every day
33. Paranoid woman who thinks she is being stalked
34. Eclectic movie man
35. Guy who has EVERYTHING on order, especially DVD's
36. Girl who likes to come and chat with us and her mother
37. Lady who pushes empty wheelchair and looks at bio database all day
38. Woman who knows how to cause a scene, like the time she lost her bag-- what does it look like? That's your job.
39. How could I forget, hilarious man from Congo
40. Woman who thinks she dated a relative of Robert MacNamara way back when
41. DRF man
42. Local history curmudgeon
43. Reading group lady
44. Goth girl
45. Man with the green hat- always 1st to walk in every am directly to the magazines
46. 80 year old Girl Scout who never orders more than 3 CDBs at a time
47. Mr. I Can't Read
48. Man with white hat- first on internets everyday, reeks of smoke, speaks Spanish to Frank
49. Three sisters who spend hours on computer
50. Sister and brother who spend too much time on computers too; sometimes they bring in their younger red headed brother
51. Miss when is the next knitting and calligraphy class
52. Cerebral palsy guy who invited all of us to his birthday party
53. ESL women who think it is hilarious they are failing
54. The "job coaches" who do nothing
55. Napoleon Dynamite
56. Criminal who is writing his biography about his claim to fame in the 70s (I wish I could provide details)
57. Sci-fi lady I see in Michael's
58. Cute YA girl I see at the movies
59. Old retired guy with British accent who orders BBC DVDs
60. Girl in wheelchair with newborn baby
61. Arabic 6th grade kid & mother with permanent scowl
62. Arabic guys in their 20s who watch Yahoo videos all day
63. Arabic teen girls
64. Mr. when are you going to make the next announcement, always wears blue button down shirt like gas station attendant would wear
65. Match.com lady with long brown hair
66. Ozzy Osbourne fan
67. Volunteer who shelves paperbacks; makes tough decisions
68. The man who wants to research all the types of beards and beard conventions.
69. Russian girl who speaks a zillion languages
70. SETI woman
71. Guy who reeks of smoke, slurs language, plays games
72. Annoying guy who always must say Hi Amy, but gets up immediately when I make announcements (really, that picture is the perfect imitation)
73. Sweaty guy with curly hair who orders VHS, sometimes brings girlfriend
74. Mostly blind girl and brother
75. Security guard
76. Woman with squeaky walker who gets songbooks
77. Pancho Villa, Grand Canyon, Colorado River woman
78. Tall guy who goes to community college- books about child development and how can I work at the liberry?
79. Sunday classifieds lady
80. Red haired bike helmet guy who turns our screens
81. Women who have us print Clay Aiken photos
82. Strawberry Shortcake woman
83. Wizard of Oz woman- we print pictures for her painting, she imitates the Wicked Witch of the West's laugh
84. The only hs guy who attends YA programs
85. Where's the purple book, was it stolen guy
86. Guy who calls our LII promoted LIII hey fatty!
87. Skinny skateboarder dude with puffy hair, chatting all day
88. HS girl in black sweatshirt who orders Juv ATs every Sat.
89. Old man with stack of random papers of all titles he wants to read
90. Man who wants books about making candles, new books
91. Vietnam vet who wants to dictate a letter to Oprah about being on her show
92. OED guy, probably dead
93. Chomsky guy, friends with #85
94. Engineering guy who wears long sleeved white shirt and jeans, never says a word
95. Our computer techs, not a day passes when I don't call them!
96. Girl and husband want Porky Pig, and all TV shows, ask our LII-LIII waaaay personal questions, I can't mention here
97. Man with green John Deere hat
98. Woman with graying brown shoulder length hair, solitaire player
99. Old man with all the plastic bags attached to his belt, does MS Word
100. Woman who manages her own wheelchair (not electric) in the mystery book club
101. Little white girl who asks for gangsta rap CDs
102. Nice ancient gay guy and partner
103. Sweet older man with Eastern European accent who wants Standard & Poors
104. Odd guy who wants to research Buddhism and other random topics, lives across street (with many of the characters, I'm sure)
105. Marian's "super cute guy with Union Jack tattoo-- he only came in once but I will never forget him" (and I think that's fiction)
106. Handsome young Euro dude who wants to be an actor; even Frank says he's hot. (Frank is not gay but seems to be hit on by a lot of guys)
107. Blonde European hs guy who rode his bike to the liberry every day to do email.

Just realized this will have to be way more than a mural! I never knew I had so many "friends."

Weeds from Juv

Housebuilding for Children
How to make Stilts
Dynamite
Blimps
Safe Motorboating for Kids
Model Airplanes
Balloons Zeppelins and Dirigibles
Sandwichery (as I w/d them I say off with its head, and Frank says you mean off with the bread?)
Modern Cake Decorating (1969)
Parenting in the 90s

Jane Fonda bio

Inscription found in Jane Fonda's bio:

Today I dreamed of your grandparents, I believe they are calling to me. Children, listen to my advice. My granddaughter Stephi brought us happiness. Take care and give her love and education. Her father loves and adores her. God take care of you wherever you may go.
---------------------

So sentimental, for a bio of JF!

Hard of hearing

Frank sees the hard of hearing man approach the desk, and says he'll handle this one. The man wants to look up mad and anger in the dictionary, so Frank reads off the definitions:

feeling or showing anger...

Then the guy says, common sense you understand, I mean, you got common, you got sense. Know what it is?

Frank (wins award for patience) continues, feeling some degree of anger, showing vexation, wrathful, seeming to show anger, threatening or seeming to be threatened, inflamed, painful, appearing appearing or being naturally fierce.... Synonyms: mad, irate, wrathful. The word commonly implies excited.

Man: Actually, you're crazy. Yeah, mad.

Then they look up common sense--

Frank: good judgment, prudence, free from emotional bias, not depending on special or technical language....

Man: I don't believe that, do you.... Animals and the birds.... dogs don't get nothing. They stay angry, right, right.... how do you explain that? Did you ever read the Bible? There's about fifteen pages....

Frank: Ok sir, here's the magnifying glass.

Man: Nah, I don't need that. That's common sense.
(Starts to walk away)

Woman asks the man if he is waiting for the internet. Huh? Are you waiting sir?

Man: Yes, for death. I'm 90, I bet I'm gonna pretty soon. If you understand, I invented the (something- a word I don't catch) that saves water. Lemonade to drain. That's my opinion. I think it's stupid. I don't know what the hell they call it. I don't want to hear about it. Well, I'm the only man in the world who knows common sense. You understand what I told you?

Frank nods.

Man: Nobody knows what it is, a lot of them say they know common sense. I say what is it? They are wrong. Nobody is more important than anybody else, did you know that?

Frank- now we do.

Man: We are a bunch of fools. I am not a fool. Sense is another thing I need to look up. There is only one sense, isn't there? I need a drink of water, where is it?

Frank walks the man to the exit and returns. He tells me, the man is slipping. I can just see the look in his eyes.

Genealogy

Genealogy man: I just need this one more bit of information, and I'm gonna hit paydirt. Where can I check the passenger lists? I am so close to paydirt!

Not in one book

I'm giving a lesson tomorrow, and I need a plan to teach the music, art, and literature of the Industrial Revolution.

-----------------

my thought-- Maybe it is in one book, but I couldn't find it.

Shush

New Jaw-sea. That's how you say it if you are from there (New Jersey). Wife shushes him.

Cute old guy

to wife- Do you suppose we are in formation? This is the Information Desk.

Wanna

I wanna get an email address, how much does it cost?

For you, free.

Pay phone

Old man: I got locked out of my car, can I use your phone?
Me: There's a pay phone near the entrance.
OM: I can't receive phone calls from it.
Me: It should say the phone number on it.
OM: The heck it does.

and storms off

Creep

Frank gives the creep who wrote me the love letter a pile of 56 copies and a disc. Frank says you can pay at the desk up front: one dollar for the disc, fifteen cents a copy. The creep says, it's a pleasure to get rid of my money. The US Treasury, he he he.

Exactly what I say when I get a bill.

Next project

Now my project is to label all the oversized books and move them to the new shelving area. A task I probably won't finish by November, but I like to be busy. I find one about Washington state with a cute inspription:

The front page has a picture of a goat. There's an arrow pointing to the goat and says this is a picture of Patrick. Then, another pointing at the goat: this guy is suffering from an excess of sugar... and Catholicism. We hope we will share some of these sights with you someday. Love, Kimberly and Patrick

Changing of the guard

At 5:00 it was my turn to take Frank's place at the desk. He gave me 2 books- a Hawaiian dictionary and a guide to new cars. Two different customers might come in to check them out. So, a few minutes later, the 1st man comes.

He says, I called, and I forget, I think Frank was holding a book for me?

The Hawaiian dictionary?

I don't know, is that what you call it? It's the one about cars.

I give him the book about cars.

So, do you guys call that the Hawaiian dictionary?

No More Knitting, please!

Woman from my disaster calligraphy/knitting classes comes and hugs me- wow, you look different! I'm wearing glasses. Oh. When's the knitting class, Thursday? How about we make blankets with kids? (recipe for disaster) And calligraphy, Thursday? I take my knitting to the laundromat and they all say, where'd you learn, and I say the liberry, come learn. What's your name again?

Surprise

Max didn't show up to Frank's computer class this am. Huge surprise.

Summary of Tuesday's am events

• Sub from last night came in and almost resigned. The bold Irish man from last night was harassing her, again.
• As I'm going through the missing books list, I realize that the one about how to buy an airplane probably flew away.
• Annoying guy who always looks at sites like how to impress a girl dot com comes to the stacks and says Hi Amy, how are you... then thumbs through the 641's... cookbooks, huh? and walks away embarrassed. I dread the day when he says something more than hi. My days at this branch are numbered, fortunately.
  

Huh?

The other day I had to call a patron and tell him his CD on order has gone missing. The conversation went like this:

Hello?
Hello, is blah blah there?
No, he's at school.
Oh, can I leave a message?
This is Amy from the liberry. He ordered a music CD and it is missing, so we won't be able to get it for him.
Who is this?
Amy from the liberry.
Who?
Amy from the liberry.
What is the message?
I repeat it.
Who is this?
Amy from the liberry.
Oh, we haven't been there for three months.
Bye now!

Headache Material

Today the fire department had their annual open house. Complete with balloons and bagpipes. Major headache material. I went home @ lunch to take Aleve and crashed. Fell completely asleep. Today's insanity:

• 80 year old woman wants JA Jance's Kiss of the Bees. Not pretty, huh.
• Barrons.
• Back issue of Newsweek, the only one we don't have. Typical.
• Scholarly journals.
• Medical books, any kind.
• Where is the bathroom, times 100.
• Take the phone outside, times 100.
• How much are prints, times 100.
• No, you don't need to sign up for the computer, times 100.
• Arabic man who didn't show up for my class wants to know where he can attend nursing school for free. Then he signs up for mouse and internet classes, he knows both.
• HS girl wants manga: Kane Karo Kana, I don't know, I'll never know or care about that genre.
• Blind woman wants Drawing in Perspective.
• Where is the special location for Everyone Poops?
• Weeding bios, found tons of inscriptions. Sadly, all in Spanish.
• William Glasser, Reality Therapy. Did someone steal it?
• Books on lowriders as well as postpartum depression.
• Science fair: Color and the Brain. Frank does some research and finds color enhances sexuality. Girls giggle. Frank was looking for a correlation between color and concentration.
• How old do you have to be to get a card?
• Where can I camp around here?
• Guy who thinks he just won a car needs the fax with the confirmation. He never received it and can't reach his "friend" who sent it. Frank says he hates to the bearer of bad news like this.
• Boy asks for large print pocket dictionary. He says he usually asks for Websters.
• Section for Janet Avonovich.
• ValueLine
• Video for Namesake.
• Outlet for computer.
• Girls want "big thick book about the west."
• Woman wearing shirt that says Alcatraz- Psycho Ward, Outpatient.
• Teen guy needs practice pronouncing-- "two box" i.e., Tupac, and "steal our rights," i.e. Still I Rise.

Goodnight! No more bagpipes please.

No show

Arabic man, Mr. No Problem? has been asking about computer classes since last summer, once a week. Yesterday at 4:45 he signed up as the only student in my class Sat. am. All he wants to do is listen to BBC Arabic. However, I can't believe my luck- a no show!