If this blog were a TV show or a movie...

these would be the characters:

LII promoted LIII: Jodie Foster
Frank: Daniel Day-Lewis
Paula: Judi Dench
Kids Liberrian: Angela Lansbury
Sarah: Ru-Paul
Marian: Kate Winslet
Amy: Keri Russell
Tara: Sally Field
Bernice: Patricia Heaton
Branch Manager, PJ: Silent Bob
Liberry Director: Steve Martin
Security Guard: Inarticulate farmer in Napoleon Dynamite (our guy = just as articulate)
Understudy for Security Guard: ANIMAL-- "Go Home!"
Tech Guy: Screech

Cameo appearances by Nancy Pearl and Miss Piggy.