Friday, May 19, 2006

Open Letter

Dear Library Customer:

If you would like my assistance, please say something. Even just “Hey!” is fine.
Do not freaking GESTURE at me as if I were a servant.

Thanks so much,

Librarian, Marian The
[County] Library, [City] Branch

Not Advisable

Guy: I want some books on farming, and gardening, and homeopathic medicine, and home remedies, and hobbies...

Me: What kind of hobbies?

Guy: Oh, just any kind, and last night I saw Bette Davis as Elizabeth I, so I need a book about Walter Raleigh and any of the men she was...fancy...with. And I need a book that has a timeline of English history.

Me: Okay, I think the books on Britain are over here.

Guy: Oh, no, it has to say English history. The ones that say "Britain" are too violent for me. And then "Great Britain" is just too "business". It's not advisable for people like me to read books about Great Britain.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

The List

Pleasant-But-Clearly-Strange Guy: Do you mind if I put you on my list for June? My clinical psychologist is out of town.

Me: What kind of list is that?

Well, it's a list of the first 100 girls because I'm Abraham...

Me: Oh, no, I don't think so. Thanks, though.


Monday, May 15, 2006

More Fun with Dedications

In a copy of Great Stories of O. Henry:

O. Rick-----
Have some O. Henry.
O. Happy Birthday.

O. Alice

Monday, May 08, 2006

A Native Oklahoman

Another gem from Tara:

Exclamation from a native Oklahoman upon finding some of his investment reports in Valueline:
Root toot poodi doodi!