The Loud of Turin?

A very . . . enthusiastic lady in a bright pink shirt comes in.

VEL: WHERE ARE YOUR PSYCHE BOOKS AND THE SHROUD OF TURIN BOOK?

Me: Over here, let me show you. Could you keep your voice down a little?

VEL: OH SORRY. ARE THESE THE SYLVIA BROWNE BOOKS? I READ ALL THOSE, AND THEN I LENT ONE TO MY FRIEND WHILE I WAS IN JAIL AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT IT BACK.

Me: Well, here's the Shroud of Turin book. If you could just be a little quieter?

VEL: OH, SURE, SORRY. THANK YOU.

(she goes away, then comes back with the Shroud of Turin book)

VEL: LOOK AT THIS! (She puts the open book in front of Amy and me and points at a blotchy thing in a picture of the Shroud of Turin) THIS IS ME! DON'T YOU THINK THIS LOOKS LIKE ME??

Me: Um, sure!

VEL: IT'S HALF OF MY FACE! AND THAT'S JESUS! IT'S ME! IT'S ME!
DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD?

Me: No...

VEL: WHY NOT?

Me: I don't know, I just don't.

VEL: DID YOU KNOW SYLVIA BROWNE DOESN'T BELIEVE IN HELL? WELL, I'VE MET THE DEVIL AND I KNOW.