Book Request

The Mystery method : how to get beautiful women into bed

Why didn't we think of that?!

I had to listen to a customer pestering sub liberrian Helen about how to patent a new invention: headphones that will allow you to directly insert a cassette tape or cd into them. After patiently guiding the customer through the US Patent Office website, she asked permission to comment about his invention: "You know, portable music is really going to all digital - it's all bits and bytes now!"

Working in the children's section...

Today as I was working in the children's section, a girl about 10 asked me about the FOL's latest booksale. You buy a bag for $1.00 and get to fill the bag with books.

She asked, so, do we get to keep the books?

Tell me why...

Guy about 20: I don't like Mondays, they bore me out.

Vet Guy returns

Paula came to sub today, and she dealt with Vet Guy. He came to the liberry after an interview he had to be a pet groomer. He asked Paula to look up phone numbers for his references. He named off a company and Paula asked him how to spell it. He just rolled his eyes and said just like it sounds. She said you have to help me, does it have and e or an i, and he said he didn't know.

(5 minutes later)

VG returns to the desk. Does Amtrak allow pets? Paula researched and found the answer to be no.

(5 minutes later)

VG: What's the toll free number for a free credit report?

(5 minutes later)

VG: Do you know of a taxi service or a personal pet caretaker that would transport my pets?
(I found this site).

---------------------------

After he left, Paula commented, He is a character. A couple days ago he asked what is the state with the lowest mortgage rate. Then he asked if there is a program for people with bad credit.

She continued, his mind is there, but he is the most unpleasant person!

for dummies?

Guy & Girlfriend: Do you have a Spanish-English Dictionary?

(I give them a rather large one)

Guy: No, I need one for stupid people! How about this one?

(he picks up a picture dictionary)

Girlfriend: Are you serious??

Guy: Yeah! It's way better than the Dr. Seuss one I was using!

Requests

About a month ago I sent some articles to a customer through the database (about artificial turf). Since she has my email address, I've been getting requests in my inbox:

• Consumer Reports on tankless heaters
• Tree stump removers in the area

I find these questions interesting and am happy to answer them.

Frank is missed

One of Frank's "friends" was frustrated with the computer and so he told his wife, I'll just wait until Frank is working and he'll do it for me. His wife said, who's Frank? and he replied, oh, he's one of the techs here. Since they were standing @ the desk, I told him that Frank doesn't work here anymore.

I could have said, by the way, he's an LII and was never a tech.

Man about 50 comes to the desk and says...

Maureen was my mom's name. Do you spell it like this: M-O-R-E-N-E? I told him it could be that way, but most people spell it M-A-U-R-E-E-N.

It never ends...

Five years ago when I first started working for the liberry we had no timeout/reservation system for the Internet.  People complained, it isn't fair.

A couple years later we got the timeout software.  Still, people complained-- it isn't fair.  We need 15 minute express computers.

Now we have one express computer, but of course, it isn't fair.  We need more than one express station, we shouldn't have to make reservations, why can't you be like the downtown liberry?  

It NEVER ends!

What a lovely way to start the day.

I hear someone typing REALLY HARD and turn around to see...Vet Guy! Barefoot!
Yay.

Vet Guy

Today vet guy asked me where the airport is! I told Michael, and he said he's willing to drive him to the airport, anytime, day or night. Just call the cell.

Reason to Celebrate

Today the new microfilm/fiche reader arrived! I just can't wait for the next obit request :)

Awesome Customer of the Day

Super Hero Patron: Can you print out a news article from the internet for me? I just saved a kid's life and have to prove to my work why I'm late.

Me: Uh... sure. (I saw smoke from the fire as I went into the liberry earlier in the day... so I knew he wasn't lying. I pulled up our local city paper, and sure enough - there was the article citing his brave feat.)

Super Hero Patron: How much is that going to cost?

Me: Oh - It's free! You're a (super) hero today!!!

Vet Guy Going Bye-Bye?!

Vet guy was almost polite this evening as he asked me to help him find a one-way ticket to Buffalo, New York. Whereas I told him I could help him for about 5 minutes, I gladly extended this time to nearly 15. Needless to say, I was overjoyed at the prospect of this one-way voyage and even contemplated offering to help him pay.

What a fabulous end to July: Vet Guy leaving(?!) and Harry Potter's birthday both within a few days of each other. Exciting!!!

Vet Guy again

The vet guy is so so so rude! Yesterday he came to the desk, slammed his coffee cup down with his backpack and demanded the zip code for Buffalo, NY.

I said there are several zip codes for Buffalo, NY; do you have an address? He rolled his eyes and said give me all of them!

No shirt, no shoes, no ?

One woman got kicked out yesterday because she was wearing a bikini with a short t-shirt. (no shorts/pants). A customer came to the desk and asked Maureen (the sub) to do something about the way the woman was dressed. Maureen told her that she = wearing inappropriate attire. This became a loud argument between the customer and the bikini woman.

PJ, the branch manager, and Sharon, the LIII, stepped in. The woman was upset that it wasn't written on the door that she couldn't wear a bikini (next to no shirt, no shoes, no service). PJ and Sharon explained that we can't write EVERY rule on the door and asked the woman to leave.

Annoying

Caller: So can I reserve Centaur Island?

Me: We have Centaur Aisle, but not Centaur Island.

Caller: I want Centaur Island.

Me: I just looked on Amazon for Centaur Island, but Centaur Aisle came up.

Caller: Nevermind. Goodbye.

Girl about 12....

Girl: So are you allowed to come here on your days off?

Me: Yes.

Girl: That would be so cool!

I think I might know what's causing your problem...

I just found the book Hotter Than Hell: Hot & Spicy Dishes from Around the World (641.59) shelved in the Indigestion and Heartburn section (616.332).

Awesome Customer of the Day

A guy in a red velvet shirt comes up.

"I am José Lastname Lastname" (In a very CaTHtilian accent)

"I would like a book on flags. I looked for the British one in the 70s and 80s but they don't have it any more, babe. But now I need the Olympic one, with the five arrows. Do you like music? You look like my sister, did you know that? She is just like you. Gloria. Glorieta La Coqueta. I love music. I practice a lot." (Begins to sing "Eight Days A Week")

(I find the book)

"There he is!" (Points at picture of Olympic rings) "Which one are you? You're four and I'm five, babe. Like the Rolling Stones."

I got your refgrunt right here, baby.

2:30—Nearly operatic saga of getting the trolley schedule to print without cutting the sides off, Jesus Christ.

2:35—How do I get on the internet?

2:42—Can I trouble you for a paper and pencil? We need to write down some things from the auto repair book since you can’t check them out.
We do have a copier, actually.
Oh, you do???

2:44—How do I sign up for the internet?

2:45—Excuse me, that girl over there in the blue shirt is causing trouble.

2:46—How do I read this? (Computer reservation slip)

2:47—Anything and everything on grandparents’ visitation rights

2:50—Where do I pick up copies?

2:52—Renter’s rebate form

2:55—Phone: Can I reserve a book?
Sure, which one? Or just any one?
(heh) Lonely Planet Mexico.

2:57—2006 tax table

2:59—Why can’t I get on those computers?

3:00—Can you cancel my reservation so I can try to get on another computer sooner?

3:01—Explain the reservation process yet again

3:04—Can I ask one bathroom?

3:05—Can’t make a reservation; I make one for her

3:06—Phone: Pocket Full of Sunshine by Natasha Bedingfield (#73 on the list)

3:08—Can’t log in with reservation I made, was using wrong PIN

3:15—Phone: another branch wants an ILL but the book is too new

3:20—SAT prep book

3:22—CA marijuana laws

3:29—Can you please turn that music down?

3:32—Asked twice, music guy is NOT PLEASED to have to turn it down.

3:34—How do we sign up for the internet? Can we use this card?
Sorry, you have to get another card for our system.
You mean there is more than one library system in this county?

3:35—Where is the bathroom?

3:35—Can I check out 3 books at once?

3:36—Where is computer 19?

3:36—That kid really smells.

3:37—Haines Directory

3:38—How do I sign up for the internet?

3:40—Can I just jump on one sooner? I don’t want to wait an hour and a half.

3:41—Can you cancel this reservation so I can get a sooner one?

3:42—“Jodi Piccolo” books? Or books like her?

3:46—Can you help me get on this computer?

3:50—AIDS in Africa

3:54—Can you give me a reservation?

More from Michael

This precious old man using a walker came up to the reference desk... I was paying closer attention to a big button he was wearing than his information request. It read "Aging is Stylish: All the Best People Are Doing It!"

How cute!

ALA souvenirs

I love the one about the psychic!

Back again

"Andrew" came back last night and asked me how my boyfriend is doing. I said great, and he said, tell him that I want him to break up with you. Ha ha ha. You think it is funny, but I am serious.

-------------

Wow, do I ever wish I won that $2000 certificate for Tiffany & Co. @ the ALA conference last week!

Everyone's Favorite Guy

Guy: Hi.

Me: Hi, how are you?

Guy: Oh, I'm kinda tired. I deliver beer.

Me: Awesome! You must be everyone's favorite guy.

Guy: Heh, I guess so.

Me: Yeah, I'm The Lady Who Won't Let You on the Internet. They're not as happy to see me.

More from Michael-- Classic

A woman came to the desk and asked "where can i find the book "Talking Back" by Andrea Mitchell?" 

I told her that while we didn't have it in our branch at the moment, I could order one from another branch to be sent, and started to list options: "Branch X has it available, Branch Y has it available in Large Print. What about an audiobook? Branch Z has it on CD - would you mind listening to it?" 

The patron flushed and embarrassedly said in a low voice "Actually, she has a really cute hair-do in the picture on the cover that I want to get."