Thursday, March 31, 2011

Mr. Purple Book

Yesterday Mr. Purple Book told me--  "I got two letters in the mail.  I think they were from the library.  Anyway, I misplaced them.  Can you tell me what those letters were about?"

Monday, March 28, 2011

Refgrunt! Ten Hut!

[a few really boring questions removed throughout]

Can I use this flyer for scratch paper? (No. )

Night Custodian exam book?

We need more sign-in sheets for the study group

Mr. Purple Book wants to know when the mall opens.

Unlawful detainer—what are the loopholes?

What is the book that comes before “Kings of the North” by Elizabeth Moon? And do you have a book called “Gift of Life” by I don’t know the author?

Wants various movies on VHS—is that the one with the two holes in the middle?

Looking for “Jewels of the Sea” by Nora Roberts, which is the sequel to “Jewels of the Sun”. Will not believe that it’s actually called “Heart of the Sea”.

I think this is my cushion that I left here.

Guy at a computer: Do you have to put your library card in here for it to work?

Where’s the true crime section?

Turns out, computer guy meant it literally and stuck his card in the disk drive. Forceps time!

Do you have a place I can advertise for an Arabic tutor?

“American Album” by Oliver Jensen

SRDS Advertising Source? (We haven’t had it since 2007, so I send her to [Big City] Library downtown.)

¿Habla EspaƱol?

We need information on volcanoes. Just stuff about it.

Where would I find a book on archery, if you had one?


Do you have, like, a dictionary that I can sit and use? I forgot mine and I want to use it to look up words.

I find her the Collected Stories and Complete Novels of Eudora Welty and she says Oh you are so wonderful! I knew I would have success!

What’s 9.55% of $4460?

Sunday, March 27, 2011


A mentally challenged man rubbed his hands together and asked me if I would be interested in something special.

I said no.

(Not no, thanks.  Not I'm sorry, no.  Just NO).

He didn't even walk away when I said NO, so I told him that I have a lot of work to do, ignored him, and he eventually left.


Woman whispers--  do you have anything on Odin the Viking god or Odinism?


Condescending woman:  He (the tech who sent her to the information desk) told me you went to school to get a library degree.  Is that true?

Yes, I have my master's degree in library science.

CW:  Oh, so did you just go to State?

No, actually, I didn't.  I went to (name another school that's not "State").

CW:  Oh, I didn't know there was such a degree.

in a hurry

Man:  Hi, my son is 13 and I'm looking for a book that will show him how to paint on a canvas with oil paints.  (looks at watch) Oh God, I have to get outta here!


So if you don't think you'll have enough time to wait for me to show you where the section is, why do you even ask the question?

a good read

I help this woman find a book and request a movie.  She walks about 3 steps away and turns around and comes back to the desk to ask me I've read anything by Nicholas Sparks.  I say yes, and she says SAFE HAVEN, OMG, IT'S THE BOMB!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Today's highlights

New card holder (with an unverified address) asks me what's the "beginner account limit."

Someone else asks me if there's a "coffee dispenser in the liberry."  Sorry, it's NASWP.

Customer points to the catalog pc and says--  "is this for self help?"

Lots of complaints about the new pencil sharpener.

Really good news:  We have Because of Romek, Catcher in the Rye, and The Pearl on the shelf.

Even more awesome news:  The man who looks like he belongs in a Charles Dickens' novel tells me he's thinking of moving!!!  Absolutely!  How can I help?!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Replacement card

A lady came up with a brand new library card and asked if she could get a different one.

I asked what the problem was.

"I don't like the number," she said--because it had 666 in it.

Maybe there IS a devil in this town?


A guy came in wanting a book on "How to Fight Your Traffic Ticket and Win" but when I tried to request it his account was blocked.
Turns out he had a bunch of overdue fines from having checked out the same book 5 years ago.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Say what?

Today while I was working on the children's desk one of the student workers asked me if I could help someone on Internet #11.  She said he's trying to change his birth certificate from State A to State B.  I thought I misunderstood what she said, but she was right!  They guy asked me how to cancel his birth certificate for State A and re-register in State B.  Unbelievable!

More highlights

  • Man with a cigarette behind each ear asked for the car repair section.
  • An English language learner said he needed pronounce.  He meant he needed print outs.
  • HS girl needed information on Joseph Priestly, the guy who invented oxygen.

Yesterday's reference problems

  • Woman is frustrated because the books on impotence didn't arrive.  I ask her if she remembered the titles.  She doesn't, but goes into detail about the problem.  Enough said.
  • Another woman wants read-alikes on My Secret Garden, a book about women's sexual fantasies.
  • Yet another woman wants books about dealing with men; nevermind, a book won't help.