Thursday, August 30, 2012

Short Refgrunt

Gateway computer guy:  Do you have an extra mouse?  Mine just took a dump.

Man:  Where's the reference section?
Me:  Over there- can I help you find something?
Man:  I'm looking for a large print phonebook.

I need an administrator here to remove the block so I can download something.

Sunday, August 26, 2012


Can you help me with my personal computer?  All I know is that it is a Gateway.

A girl about 12 years old wanted to get a card & had already filled out the application.  I asked her dad for his ID so that I could enter him as the responsible party.  He said -- what?  Did someone call me RESPONSIBLE?

A guy who was born in 1981 wanted me to find an airplane book that would have been popular in the late 70s / early 80s.  I don't recall how I found it, but it was on etsy.  It had the price on the cover of the book, and it was 39 cents.

Caller-- I need to know where I can recycle compact fluorescent light bulbs because they have mercury in them.

Caller -- Are you experiencing a power outage now?

An old man had an academic book in which he couldn't understand one of the footnotes.  Annabelle and I couldn't figure it out either.  Maybe a typo?  He just loved that he could say he STUMPED THE LIBRARIAN.

The new trend among the computer users is (plenty of fish).  Of this group no one knows how to upload their photo or edit their profile.

Woman -- can you check the lost and found?
Me -- Sure... What are you looking for?
W -- A book.  I think I left it at my doctor's office.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Interesting person of the week

A guy was here the other day and very upset that we didn't have any books in stock on how to make holograms [I was impressed we even owned any at all] --"I'm an inventor!  It's the government, they're censoring me, etc etc."

Today he came back wanting books on kelp (he's going to make a fuel out of it), and told me this:

"I saw the Beatles and they told me I'd be the one to invent this!"
Me: The Beatles told you?
Him: "Yes, I'm telepathic."

He also said he speaks to Bill Gates by telepathy, but he doesn't like to admit it because he's a "sinner" for having stolen the GUI from Steve Jobs. Fair point.

We can help you find lots of things, but...

Young man, staggering around: (to random woman) You're beautiful!

Random woman: Uh, thanks.

YMSA: (to me) You're beautiful! (whispering) You know, 90% of the girls I tell they're beautiful really aren't, but you're actually pretty beautiful.

Me: Uh, thanks.

YMSA: I'm trying to find a girlfriend. My girlfriend of six FIANCEE of six years! just broke up with me.

Security guard: Sir, you need to stop bothering the customers.

YMSA: (to security guard) You're mean! You're not beautiful any more.

Security guard: (to me, quietly) He said he took some Vicodin.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012


Woman @ the RFID checkout tells me that the screen says that she can't check out.  I look at her account and tell her that she has $64 in fines.  I tell her that the fines are for overdue materials.

Woman: What do you mean?
Me:  It is x amount per day, and these books are more than a month late.
Woman:  I didn't know there was a due date... that's why I checked out so many of these kids books.
Me: The due dates are on the receipt.
Woman: I threw away the receipt.  I just thought we could take as many as we want and return them when we can.  I never heard of a "due date."  OMG, my husband is going to kill me!

Saturday, August 18, 2012


This man yelled at me (and then the LIII Annabelle) about why he should be able to check out a book that his wife reserved for herself with her card (that she didn't give to him).   He repeatedly yelled to us- this is stupid, it's my wife, we are married!!  Annabelle wrote up a security incident report to keep on record.

Anyway, the next person in line was from the League of Women Voters, and she wanted to drop off a flyer to advertise a lecture on civil discourse, or, how we can be more POLITE TO EACH OTHER.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Branch X is over 30,000 square feet.

Guy: "Gee, it's a long way from the other desk to here!  I had to take a cab!"

Monday, August 13, 2012

Good luck with that, part 3

Matilda says:
"A customer asked me for my number – and looked me all the way up and down from head to toe – while checking out a book titled The Christian Way to Be Happily Married. No, thank you."

Friday, August 10, 2012

Eye Contact

My colleague made an interesting point today.   He said don't make eye contact with people standing at the door, both before opening and after closing.

Thursday, August 09, 2012

Faster, Higher, Refgrunter

--Books by Pastor John MacArthur

--Needs PIN so she can download ebooks

--books by Black authors

--“Do you have a book on origami?  You know, making folds and making animals?”

--Books by Mary Hunt Jackson.  We eventually figure out she’s looking for Helen Hunt Jackson, author of Ramona.

--“Um, this book is missing a few pages.” In fact it is missing pages 1-64.  I’ll get you another copy. (Adventures of Tom Sawyer)

--“Can you help me?  I can’t find the N’s.”

--ebook help

--Hi Marian, I remember you from two years ago.  I missed you. God bless you.  Can you help me find some books on Leonardo da Vinci and Jimi Hendrix? I remember you.  God bless you. Thank you. God bless you.

--“Do you have math books?  I need to get my brain…worked up.”

--Laundry Guy, with hiccups: “Do you know how a dishwasher works?  Is it that first the wash gets the food off, then the rinse gets the soap off, then the sanitizer gets the germs off?”  Me: “Basically, yes.” (This is just one of several similar conversations)

--Guy with one dark glasses lens and one clear: “I’m so sorry to bother you. Can you help me find something to make with pop tops?  I have about ten pounds of them.”

--Can you look up 641.5972 ORT?

--Phone: Where does the sound come from that the monolith makes in 2001: a Space Odyssey? (“My name’s Joe but I go by Uncle Joe”)

--The Harbinger by Jonathan Cahn

--Guy who always wants lists of SF authors’ works printed out from wants some more lists.  He must have hundreds by now.

--Older lady: “Who is the author of 50 Shades of Grey?”
Me: “E.L. James, but there’s a long waiting list…” 
OL (to a young guy, maybe her grandson?): “Sweetie, there’s a waiting list.” 
Me: (internally): “OMG ew.”

Tuesday, August 07, 2012


A girl just used her calculator to write down a call number!

Happy Birthday, 'Libary'!

So, we got a cake today because it's the "birthday" of Branch X!   Perhaps the cake decorator should spend more time at the library?

Sunday, August 05, 2012


As I was helping this woman get a liberry card she asked me if she could get her dad a card as a surprise for his birthday.

Sorry, but no, that isn't possible.

Summer Fun

Branch Y is walking distance to a pretty big swimming pool.  Yesterday this man walked into the liberry absolutely soaking wet.  No towel-  just shorts and a tanktop.  He was wearing flip flops, so everyone could hear him walk.  He was also carrying a large floatation device that looked like a big kick board.  He couldn't find his party and let everyone know by swearing "where the &$/) are they."  Then he sloshed out of the liberry.

Saturday, August 04, 2012

More lost & found

This time someone left a cummerbund @ the liberry.  Maybe he was on his way to a wedding or prom and just decided to stop by the liberry?

Thursday, August 02, 2012

Name that book...

Clues:  It's about a shooting and it has a number in the title.  It's written by a famous author.

Answer:  Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult