B

Man:  The subject starts with B.  Where would that be?
Me:  Our subjects are organized according to Dewey Decimals.  What exactly are you looking for?
Man:  Birthdays.
Me:  Can you be more specific?
Man:   What birthdays mean.
Me:  We have The secret language of birthdays : personology profiles for each day of the year / Gary Goldschneider ; Aron Goldschneider, editor.  Would that be helpful?
Man:  Yes, thanks.

swimming instructions

Woman caller -- Hi, do you have any audiobooks with swimming instructions?

Reference

Woman:  I heard it on the radio and didn't get to write it down, but I think it's Carlos Carlos Williams.  I'm looking for his poetry.

Way too confused

Man:  I'm trying to create a password and it says I need to have at least one alpha character.  What does that mean?  Is it like alpha like in those words ALPHA, PI, DELTA, OMEGA???

Currency

Guy with too-big hat: "Do you have any books on currency?  My friend and I were having an argument outside, and I need a book that has, like, the fifteen-thousand-dollar bills, the eleven-thousand-dollar bills, you know?"

Finders Keepers

A woman wanted to borrow a pencil and promised to return it.  When she returned it, she said --

Here's your pencil back.  I'll tell you what.  I used to teach, and I never bought a red pen.  One year I ended up with 13!

Lost & Found

This woman called us to ask had we seen her knitting bag.  No, sorry.
Caller:  but I was there in the community room.
Colleague:  I don't think so because we had a program happening in the CR during that time.  I know because I set up all the chairs and I was the only one in the room.

Circular conversation continues until woman realizes that she called the wrong liberry!

Short refgrunt from this am

Old Man:  You're not Joseph, are you?  I was just lookin at your multi colored shirt.  It’s pretty, it’s Christmas.

Guy about 40:  Hi, I'd like a guest pass please.
I make the pass and explain that he can go to computer #7, and he replies
Can I use my own computer?
Sure, absolutely!  Just connect to the wireless.

Woman about 50:  I like your nail polish.  (It was Essie's Barbados Blue). Just so you know, I’ve never been brave enough to do that.

A grandpa with his 5 year old grandson:  I have a confession to make.  I just bought a Kindle.  I will never use the liberry again.

Apples

Woman:  Who invented apples?  I am drawing a blank.  Apples...  You know, those computers...

Me:  Oh,  you mean Steve Jobs?

Woman:  Yes!  That's it!  Do you have the book?

Me:  The biography?  Yes, it is over here.

Woman:  I have to read it before I see the movie.

Call of the day

Caller -- I want to know if a person is dead or alive.  Can you just Google it up on Facebook?

Thinking of a gift to give...

This homeless man, call him Bob (since he'll probably show up in many posts), asked me to show him where the books on cars were.  As we were walking to the NF section he said "I'm thinking of what to give my sister for her birthday.  I'm thinking of sending her a book."

Just hope it isn't a liberry book!

Hey, what's that sound?

Just had a phone reference with the weirdest background noise ever.  It sounded like the guy was churning butter on a freight train.

And the author is...

Woman -- you used to have a lot of books by Lisa Lee, now I can't find them anywhere.  I'm looking for Snow Flower and the Secret Fan.

Me -- Do you mean Lisa See?

Woman -- No, I'm sure it is Lisa Lee.

Me -- I'm looking at the title in the catalog and it says it is Lisa See.

Woman -- oh. (& walks away).