Love the Liberry

Proof of Address

2012-01-22T12:51:00.000-12:00

Earlier in the week I asked this guy to please bring in a proof of address- a piece of mail, a check book, a bill, etc. The next day he came in with a huge UPS box with his address on it.

Thanks, that works!

The immigrant experience

2012-01-22T09:23:00.000-12:00

One of my favorite customers, an older British man with a big curly moustache, is looking for some old movies. As we scroll through the list, he exclaims "Oh! The Pajama Game! That's why I came to this country in the first place--I thought it would be like in the Pajama Game."

Me: And...not so much?

Him: Not really.

Brain sparkles

2012-01-18T09:36:00.000-12:00

Preteen boy: "Do you have the book Maximum Ride by...Robert Pattinson?"

It was inevitable, really...

2012-01-18T09:31:00.001-12:00

Email from library HQ:

The Adult Book Club kit for “The Book Thief” by Marcus Zusak is currently missing.
Can you all take a look around your branches to make sure it’s not in a closet, hiding behind some boxes, etc?

A half an hour of my day

2012-01-15T05:06:00.000-12:00

Teen girl: Hi, I'm looking for a book written by the same author as the Anonymous who wrote Go Ask Alice.

A woman doesn't want to fill out the online application for a library card. I find her a paper application.

As I'm scrolling through the books on a certain subject the customer asks me to hand her the mouse so that she can be in control.

Homeless Man: You liberrians know it all, so answer me this: Why is a bra yet a pair of panties?

A dad and his kid were sitting at the catalog & overheard these exchanges. As they were leaving, the dad told me-- you have incredible patience!

Book Emergency

2012-01-10T15:10:00.000-12:00

Grandma carrying kid comes to the desk.

Grandma: We have a book emergency. (plops the kid on the desk and says) Jason, tell the lady what you are looking for.
Jason: whispers to his Grandma
Grandma: Jason, do you know the title?
Jason: Yeah.
Grandma: What is it?
Jason: Whispers something
Grandma: asks him to speak up
Jason: Two dogs two.
Me: I don't see anything with that title. What else can you tell me about the book?
Jason: It's Two Dogs Two. The dog is smelly like a sock.

He was looking for My Dog is as Smelly as Dirty Socks by Hanoch Piven.

Self Destructive

2012-01-10T15:04:00.000-12:00

Man: Can I have a rubber band?
Me: Ok.
Man: You know, these rubber bands are self destructive. I have lots of them at home but I forgot to bring them. Oh, they are my rubber bands by the way.

Customer Comment

2012-01-10T15:02:00.000-12:00

We have a local artist's display in the lobby. Two older women remarked- we drove all the way from City Y (about 10 minutes away). This is a disappointment. The lighting in here is terrible. Do you guys pay your bills?

Newspapers

2012-01-09T08:00:00.000-12:00

A woman asked Jeannie, the LIII, where the newspapers are. Jeannie told her where the newspaper room is, and the woman came back after 5 minutes.
Woman: No, I am looking for today's papers.
Jeannie: Today's papers are either in the newspaper room or someone is looking at them.
Woman: I'd like to file a complaint. The newspapers have been stolen.

Then it becomes my turn to be on the desk. The woman says-- I'd like to make an apology to the head librarian. I just realized I was looking for Sunday's paper and today is Saturday.

At least she apologized!

Seresly?

2012-01-09T07:56:00.000-12:00

I gathered 4 comment cards out of the box & read them:

Too many hobows.
Too many bums.
Too many scratches on the DVDs.
Seresly!

2011-12-29T02:27:00.000-12:00

Woman: Hi, I'd like to check out a computer. My friend here knows how to work it.
Me: Okay, do you have a library card and PIN number?
Woman: I have a library card and I don't have a PIN number.
Me: I can set the PIN number.
Woman digs and digs and digs for the card. Meanwhile a line is forming. She finally finds the card.
Me: What four numbers do you want for your PIN?
Woman: Do I have to have a PIN? I just want to work the computer.
Woman's friend: You have to have a PIN so you can use the computer.
Woman: But I don't want a PIN.
Friend: You have to have one.
Woman: I don't know what I want it to be. What if someone breaks into my account?
Friend: Just choose 4 numbers, any 4 numbers. Two ages, a year, anything!
Me: How about 1234?
Woman: That is too obvious.
I hand her a piece of paper and pencil and ask her if she'd like to write it down.
(Meanwhile the line continues to form, and those who are listening to this exchange aren't happy).
Woman: Um... um... I can't think. I'm not good at these pop quizzes.
Friend: I am so sorry.
Friend whispers something to the woman, and the woman writes down the 4 numbers.
Finally!

Fortune Cookie

2011-12-16T14:23:00.000-12:00

A man gave me a fortune cookie today. When I opened it, the message read-- thanks for voting us the number one credit union for 10 years in a row!

Not really a fortune, but thanks anyway.

Always fun to play "guess the age"

2011-12-05T07:48:00.000-12:00

Kid: I'm six!

Me: Cool! How old do you think I am?

Kid: (looks at me critically)...eleven?

This is Mr Purple Book on sugar

2011-12-05T07:27:00.000-12:00

MPB: (Comes up to desk with Hypoglycemia For Dummies) What 's hypoglycemia?

Me: It's basically low blood sugar.

MPB: Well, how much sugar should you eat in a day?

Me: It depends...

MPB: Is that, like cocaine sugar? Like C&H?

Me: I think you mean cane sugar.

MPB: Is that legal? Like, can you put it on your cereal?

Another Planet

2011-11-18T15:50:00.000-12:00

Woman-- so you don't have that book?
Me-- Correct. I have checked the county, as well as the 2 other lending sources.
Woman-- So there's no other world it could be in?

Name

2011-11-05T14:32:00.000-12:00

Today I was helping this woman (who was asked to leave the liberry earlier this week for bothering other customers) upload an attachment to her gmail. She took about 10 mins of my time because she wouldn't stop talking. As we were closing the liberry she said- you are so nice, and your name is Amy. That's the name of my car!

Thanks for sharing

2011-10-26T16:17:00.002-12:00

You look like you are about 18. See, in my day we didn't have computers to do everything. In my day (his record says he was born in the 1950s) I didn't grow up with a computer.

(abruptly changes subject)

I did it all when I was your age on horseback!

Not helpful

2011-10-26T16:12:00.000-12:00

What did you do with the DVD sir?

I took if off the hold shelf, decided I didn't want it, so I shelved it for you like I always do.

Oh, you need to either check it out and return it or give it to a staff member so that we can take it off your account.

You're kidding, I shelve them all the time!

Well, I guess we caught up with you this time.

Books & Bonbons

2011-10-14T13:46:00.000-12:00

Two middle aged women were at the reference desk. The first woman requested a Charlaine Harris book. The second woman chimed in to say that she should request the whole series. The first woman said-- I like reading them in order. Ordering all of them at once is like having too many bonbons at the same time.

Caller

2011-10-14T13:41:00.000-12:00

My question has nothing to do with books, but when you look out the window can you tell me if it is foggy?

Yes, it is.

Oh, I appreciate that. Thanks!

Quote of the Day

2011-10-13T01:21:00.000-12:00

Woman: I love you guys, you're awesome. You really put up with a lot of &%#^! Really, I know it's true... you're awesome!

What Librarians Do

2011-10-03T10:09:00.000-12:00

Dad: Look, she's a librarian! Do you know what librarians do?
Kid: No, what?
Dad: They help you check out books, and if you make noise, they put you in jail. See, look at her eyes!

(Kid looks at me, I give my best glare)

Dad: Thanks for playing along.

Time Machine story from academic liberrian Michael

2011-09-27T13:17:00.001-12:00

Just as I am readying myself to leave work a lady approaches the (not reference) desk and asks me if she can ask a question. I tell her sure, so she proceeds to ask me whether this institution is a high level science school. Before I could provide an answer, she continues to explain that the reason she is asking is because she needs to know if we have any time machines on campus. She explained that a time machine was rather large and I probably would have seen it if we had one somewhere. So she asks me if we have one, to which I replied, "I have never seen one; I didn't even know that they existed." She explains to me how a time machine works, that it would transport your body or your spirit to another world or another time. She also said that her old boyfriend invented a time machine and was going to make sure that each public institution had one so she wanted to check and see if we did. I told her again that I was pretty sure that we didn't have one so she explained to me what it would look like, kind of like a tanning bed. I told her that was very interesting. She wanted to know where I thought she might find one since we didn't have one. I told her it was too bad the reference librarian had left his desk for a moment, because he would probably be the best person to help her research the subject. So, I referred her to the next best thing, Google. Then she went on her merry way.

Roses

2011-09-22T14:35:00.000-12:00

One of our volunteers gave us some colorful roses for the ref desk. Someone said- wow, you must have a fabulous garden! Those are beautiful colors. And she replied, I got these at the grocery store!

Thanks a million! The roses = awesome!

Microwave- another service we don't provide

2011-09-22T14:33:00.000-12:00

Woman comes to the desk with a cup of coffee in her hand: you have a microwave back there, don't you.
Me: Yes. However, it is not for public use.
Woman: Oh, I see.

Multiple "records"

2011-09-22T14:31:00.000-12:00

I was looking for a book to request for this woman. I said out loud, ok, I can order it from this record because it has less of a waiting list than the other record. She said, no, I don't want a record, I want a book!

I should have just said- ok, can I have your card please? I can request it for you...

Weed

2011-09-16T14:45:00.000-12:00

Today I flipped through One Bullet Away and found several holes in the pages from cigarette burns. It kind of looked like it was meant to be.

Reference

2011-09-01T02:51:00.000-12:00

Woman: Hi, I'm looking for a book written by an Irishman. His first name starts with an E and his last name has 2 syllables. It might be E-i-o-n or E-o-i-n or something. He usually writes children's books, but this one is a new adult fiction book.

Me: Is it Plugged by Eoin Colfer?

Woman: Yes! Exactly! That was good.

Piano

2011-08-29T04:56:00.000-12:00

The other day a mother and her 8 year old daughter came to the desk:

Mother- I just noticed the piano in the Community Room. My 8 year old daughter is taking piano lessons, but she doesn't have anywhere to practice. Do you think she could come to the liberry every day and practice?

I told her that the piano is only for liberry programs.

I'm sure everyone in the liberry wants to listen to someone practice the piano. If we allowed that, then what next? It's definitely NOT A SERVICE WE PROVIDE!

Perspective

2011-08-04T13:41:00.000-12:00

A man asked for an obscure title. I checked all the usual places, then checked WorldCat. I told him I found the book available across the country, & he replied-- OH MY GOD, GIRL, nothing is that important!

Religious Quest

2011-08-04T08:51:00.000-12:00

Guy: I'm looking for pagan books.

Me: Anything specific?

Guy: I guess something about the man himself.

Me: The man?

Guy: Well, how about books on Satanism?

Me: They're all missing, but I could try to order something...

Guy: No, that's okay. How about a book on God?

Name that title

2011-08-04T01:57:00.000-12:00

Mom in the juv area: Hi, I'm looking for a book-- I know I checked it out here before. It's about a bear and a fairy land with a king and queen. There's a treasure and a dungeon.

Me: Do you remember the author?

Mom: No, but I know it was a wordless book.

Wordless was the key that helped me find the book. It was Midsummer Knight by Gregory Rogers.

Paper & Staples

2011-08-04T01:52:00.000-12:00

Guy about 35 standing next to the scratch paper bin & touching the paper.

Me: Can I help you?
Guy: It says scratch paper, so that's what I'm doing. Scratching the paper. Hey, how much is it to print a page?
Me: Fifteen cents.
Guy: And do you have a stapler?
Me: Yes, over there.
Guy: Do you charge by the staple?
Me: ha ha.

Memories

2011-07-22T13:54:00.000-12:00

Yesterday Matilda and Marian went through the security incident folder in the shared drive and sent me some tremendously entertaining titles of our reports. Here they are:

US Marshal
Kids Threatened
Flasher
Flasher Follow-Up
Fight in Courtyard
Runaway
Syringe Found
Marijuana Bus Stop
Internet Vandalism
Two Men Smoking Marijuana
Marijuana Pipe
Intoxicated Male Escorted Out
Man Lingering in Men’s Room
Cash Shortage
Vandalism with Feces in Men’s Restroom
Juvenile Confronted by Her Mother
Man Caught Clogging Toilets
Fight and Suicide Threat
Man Approaches Teen in Car
Stolen Mouse
Death Threat
Methamphetamine Found
Tie Dye and Angry Mother
Unattended Black Briefcase

We Haven't Refgrunt For The Longest Time

2011-07-21T07:01:00.001-12:00

Books on biblical archaeology

Where is Hartsel, CO?

Russian/English books with pictures.

What language do they speak in Uzbekistan?

The microfilm machine won’t print correctly, again.

Where did you go to high school? (He knows a guy whose daughter I knew)

Can I take a typing test here?

Phone: I saw your name in the article in the paper—can you tell me more about that?

Other branch wants last Monday’s newspaper—it’s disappeared.

Memoirs of Holocaust survivors (NOT their children)

In Cold Blood by Truman Capote

More memoirs of Holocaust survivors

How many books can you check out?

Janet Evanovich romances, and local phone books

Resume printing

Where are the books on CD?

Battle Los Angeles on DVD

Guide to Global Conspiracy by David Icke and The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test

A book with forms for establishing guardianship

Conspiracy lady would also like anything by Umberto Eco, and the sequels to 2001 by Arthur C Clarke

(To a guy furiously playing a handheld videogame: Hey man, do you mind not singing along to your iPod? Thanks!)

Where are Ellen Hopkins’s books?

ASVAB test prep

Vacation

2011-07-17T11:04:00.000-12:00

Last week I was on vacation. For one of my flights I saw in the middle seat, between a husband who wanted the window and his wife who wanted the aisle. I read my Kindle for a while, but when the snack cart came around I put it down and talked to the woman.

Woman: are you in school?
Me: No, I finished a long time ago.
Woman: What do you do?
Me: I'm a librarian.
Woman: oh, I don't think I've ever met a liberrian.
Woman to husband: Honey, did you hear that, she's a liberrian.

So then we had a little conversation about the future of the liberry and the Kindle. She said she'll never get a Kindle because she likes going to the bookstore and buying the books. She told me that I am from the generation that likes technology, & that I don't look a day over 18. Yay!

A service we didn't know we were supposed to provide

2011-07-17T10:41:00.000-12:00

A few days ago a citizen came in and asked to speak to a supervisor--which turned out to be me.

He said that forty years ago he had donated two copies of his novel to the library, and he was surprised to find that when he recently sent some friends here to look at it, it was no longer in the library.

Apparently the librarians of yesteryear had promised to put it in the "archive" and keep it forever, but they neglected to tell us about it...

Liberrians rule

2011-07-10T04:35:00.000-12:00

On my first day @ Branch Z this older man asked me if I wanted a challenge. I said sure, and he asked where he would need to start if he wanted to read an article from the Saturday Evening Post in 1947. I sent his question on to our Level 2 reference center. The found the article and copied it in color!

The man was absolutely amazed and called me a hero when he came to pick up the article. Then he asked if he could possibly check it out. I said no, you can have it! and he was shocked!

Tech savviness @ Branch Z

2011-07-10T04:31:00.000-12:00

The customers at Branch Z are mostly tech savvy. However, there's always the exception.

I was helping this one woman yesterday use the print copy control. The first step is to scan the liberry card. She picked up the optical mouse and tried to get the red light scan the barcode.

Another man wanted to edit an email message (that I thought he was sending to himself). He kept editing it and pressing send over and over. Then at the end of his hour he said-- do you think the person I'm sending the message to is going to get annoyed after receiving all my edits?

Crystal's nightmare SRC program @ Branch X

2011-07-07T13:59:00.000-12:00

Crystal, the kids liberrian, shared this nightmare of a story about her Summer Reading Club craft this week:

I did tie dye with my tweens and one of the moms got mad at me because it is permanent (duh). I warned the kids several times not to get the dye on their clothes, but these two boys did not pay attention. The mom comes storming into the room and starts screaming at me for not telling her (she wasn’t in the room when we were doing the craft). Then she takes the kid’s tshirt and throws it at me onto the table and into a puddle of dye. It then splashes all over me! I was covered in dye and my clothes are ruined. Not a fun day. This kind of stuff is totally not in the job description!!!!

wireless

2011-07-01T01:44:00.000-12:00

Man: Hi, do you have we-fi here?
Me: Yes, we have wireless here.
Man: Do I have to be in that computer room to use it?
Me: Nope, you can connect from anywhere in the building.

It's amazing how many people think that they have to be in the laptop room to use the wireless. There's only about 4 chairs in there...

Woman walking around aimlessly

2011-07-01T01:40:00.000-12:00

Me: Can I help you find something?
Woman: I don't know, I'm just lookin for something to read for an hour before my computer time.
Me: OK, well this side of the library is fiction & the other is non-fiction.

Then she eyed the paperbacks and screamed ROMANCE! She put both hands over her mouth and apologized for being so loud.

Questions for a baseball player

2011-06-28T11:04:00.000-12:00

This week we had an exciting visit from a major league baseball player!
He read stories to kids, and answered questions like "What's the fastest ball you've ever caught?" and so on...and then one little boy piped up: "What's your favorite princess?"

Answer: Ariel.

----ovich authors

2011-06-25T14:32:00.000-12:00

Customer: Do you have the new book by Erin Brockovich?
Me: Let me see, . . . yes, we have Rock Bottom.
Customer: No, I think it was Smokin' or Sizzling something.
Me: Oh, you mean Janet Evanovich?
Customer: Yeah, I guess that's it.

Rodrick Rules

2011-06-23T16:21:00.000-12:00

The girl wanted to read Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules because it = #2 in the series. She requested it and when it came she looked at it and said-- no, I want to read #2. I told her that is #2, but she pointed to the writing that said #1. She didn't read after the #1 that said New York Times Bestseller.

Not a service we provide

2011-06-23T15:52:00.000-12:00

Today Kelsey came from HQ to Branch X. She needed to talk to me, but I had a line @ the desk. Kelsey asked the next person in line if she could help them. The customer was a woman about 50. She wanted to know if we have VHS tapes she can copy in the liberry.

a) We don't have VHS.
b) We don't have the machine that would allow one to copy a VHS.
c) We don't want to break the law.
Therefore, it's not a service we provide!

Another service we don't provide

2011-06-23T15:48:00.000-12:00

Man about 30: Do you have a skeleton?
Me: You mean a book about a skeleton?
Man: No, the actual structure like they have in a doctor's office.
Me: No, sorry.
-----

Does anyone know if a medical liberry would have one?

off the beaten path

2011-06-23T02:48:00.000-12:00

Man: Is the grassy area outside part of the County or the City?
Me: That's City property.
Man: Oh, I thought it was County. See, yesterday my 80 year old mother fell on the tree root in the grass. The sidewalk out there is fine, but when you go off the beaten path it's all uneven. She doesn't want me to file a complaint or anything, but I just wanted to let you know.

Why take your 80 year old mother through the grass if he acknowledges that the sidewalk is just fine?

Branch Z: A new cast of characters

2011-06-19T12:33:00.001-12:00

I'm transferring to county liberry Branch Z starting on July 1. I'm looking forward to the change and still plan to keep this blog updated. Until then, I have 8 days left @ Branch X-- hopefully filled with blog material.

And you are calling me because... ?

2011-06-18T03:07:00.000-12:00

A woman of a fourth grader called yesterday to tell me that her daughter was not promoted to fifth grade. She went on and on about how the teacher is mean, etc. She said she went to the school office and demanded an appointment with the principal but was not given one. (Probably because they have already met).

I wondered-- why is she calling me? Does she expect me to call the principal and/or the teacher and say that her daughter should really be in the 5th grade? It's not a service we provide.

My mom and sisters are teachers and I know that if a student is not going to be promoted to the next grade there are plenty of meetings and papers to sign months before the last day of school; it isn't something that is new information in June.

Do you have your card?

2011-06-18T03:01:00.000-12:00

Man: Yes, this card is indispensable. I've had so many good times here, I should frame it!

OverDrive or street drug identification knowledge?

2011-06-08T15:46:00.000-12:00

So this woman about my age whispered to me-- I don't mean to be the bearer of bad news, but I think there are some drugs over there. Let me show you.

So I walked with her over to the fiction section and she pointed out a little plastic baggie. I had no idea what it was. I quickly asked tech Sabrina to go get Natalie, the principal liberrian of the branch. As soon as Natalie looked at the baggie she said that is meth. She called the cops and they came about 45 minutes later. Since I was the first staff member who saw the meth, I had to give them my statement (and thus missed a conference call to talk about OverDrive). Why would I need to know about OverDrive if I am working @ this branch? LOL.

Name that author

2011-06-06T02:58:00.000-12:00

An older man came to the desk with a xeroxed paper that had all of the titles by this particular author. The page also contained the crease of the book and part of the title page, cut off. All I could see of the next page was a D and a B, so I asked the man-- are these the books by David Baldacci? He was amazed!

Pen

2011-06-03T02:33:00.000-12:00

Yesterday I helped a man who couldn't speak. He wrote his questions with a golf pencil on the p-slips. He wrote a few things, and I helped him find what he was looking for. His last comment he wrote was-- can I have your pen? I said sure, thinking that he had more questions but didn't want to write with the golf pencil. However, he meant can I have your pen literally as he put it in his pocket and walked away.

Super Liberrian!

2011-05-31T13:45:00.001-12:00

Woman approached the ref desk and said-- Hello Miss Information.

and later in the day a caller said--

I was wondering if you could use your massive super librarian powers to help me with a reference question.

Incredible!

2011-05-27T13:03:00.000-12:00

OK, I've known Mr. Purple Book for about 8 years. And today he said something I'd never thought I'd hear him say. I showed him where the Mindset book was and he said-- what do I do when I am done with it?

Incredible! Before Heather transferred to another branch, she thought about trying to teach him how to shelve. His routine is to pull books off the shelves, look at them, and set them down on a shelf, but not in order.

What's in a password?

2011-05-26T15:43:00.000-12:00

Woman: Do you know the reason why my password won't go in?
Me: Is the caps lock on? Or maybe the number lock?
Woman: That is the reason. Thank you for telling me.

--an hour later she returns to thank me

Woman: Part of my password has to do with the man I am in love with, so when it didn't work, I got worried.

Valuable DVD case

2011-05-22T07:06:00.000-12:00

Earlier this week one of the techs, Miles, received a phone call from a man who had just accidentally left $2000.00 in a DVD case in the outside book drop. Miles found the DVD with the $100 bills. A few hours later the man returned to claim the $ and gave Miles a bottle of wine! Happy ending for all involved.

Ah, the youth...

2011-05-18T07:44:00.002-12:00

A teenaged girl came in recently and asked for biographies. "A school project?", I inquired cheerily. "Yeah. I have to read about someone." She wasn't thrilled with the assignment. I said, "Let's get someone you're interested in. What do you like, sports, music, animals?" She thought for a moment, and then said, "Tragedy."

I was momentarily silenced, but recovered my aplomb and said, "Oh, lots of people are into that. Let's see what we have."

Why?

2011-05-13T21:47:00.000-12:00

This man who always calls the reference desk with impossible questions called earlier this week. I forget what he asked, but it was something I couldn't answer immediately. I suggested that I ask the research department and he said-- oh no, I wouldn't want to trouble them.

Then why are you asking me?

Reference

2011-05-12T03:07:00.000-12:00

I couldn't find the white pages where they should be, so I asked the customer if I could look something up for her online. She stated people are wasting electricity on those computers. I found the number she wanted and expected her to walk away in a huff but she said thanks, at least you know what to do.

Mr. PB found a pencil in a book. He asked-- can I keep it, or do I have to give it to you? I told him he could have it and I think it made his day.

Bookmark: I found a piece of un-chewed gum in one of the biographies that I weeded yesterday.

I love Mondays!

2011-05-09T06:15:00.000-12:00

I love Mondays because I have the day off and because of Gale's Funny you should ask email. Today's reminded me that there must be lots of Mr. Purple Books in the world:

"I don't remember the title, but it starts with an "S." I think it is orange and blue."

The comment was from Suzanne Guinn of Rogers PL in Arkansas. The email stated that "the book had recently come out and was on the New York Times' bestsellers list. We found it."

Saturday's highlights

2011-05-07T17:18:00.000-12:00

I found 3 textbooks to request for a phd student. She was so happy she said-- This is the high point of my day... I'm so happy I could kiss you!
Mr. Purple Book brings 2 copies to the desk: See, there's one hard cover and one paperback. But I think the hard cover is more comprehensive. It fools you because it is hard cover.... if I ever ask you about this book again, this is what I mean.
Customer: Wow, you've been working here for a long time. (and 5 minutes later) Another customer: You are here all the time, do you ever take a day off?
Conspiracy Theorist: Why is it that there are 100 people on the wait list for a book that was just cataloged? How did they find out about it and I didn't?
Caller: Hi, I just moved away from you liberry. Now I live at 123 Main Street, Any Town, Any State. Can you tell me the closest liberry to me and how to get there? Yes, that's a service we provide!

He really wants a liberry card

2011-05-06T07:36:00.000-12:00

He really wants a liberry card (so he can check out DVDs), but doesn't have a picture ID. He said-- you can call my parole officer, or I can show you my ankle band...

Good ol' library joke

2011-05-02T12:27:00.000-12:00

A woman comes up to the reference desk and bursts out laughing.
I look at her oddly and she says
"Oh, I'm sorry, I just thought of this joke I heard once: A blonde goes into a library and asks the librarian, 'Can I get a cheeseburger, fries and a shake?' and the librarian says, "Miss, this is a library!' And the blonde says 'Oh sorry, (whispering) can I get a cheeseburger, fries and a shake?' "

Advice

2011-05-02T12:23:00.000-12:00

Guy: I need to know how to conquer a woman. Do you have any personal advice?

Me: I don't know, I've never tried to conquer a woman.

Just a day's work

2011-05-01T05:24:00.001-12:00

Yesterday a customer complained to me that a man is sitting in the magazine area with headphones on with really loud music. He's singing along and also yelling obscenities that I can't repeat.

Fortunately this happened just when the security guard (Pedro) came on duty. Both of us went over and told the man he needs to be quiet or leave. The man apologized.

A minute later the singing and obscenities came back. I got Pedro again, and he told me he thought the man was drunk. And Pedro was right-- we found a bottle of whiskey on the floor. Pedro picked it up and told the man it was time to leave.

Just ask the liberrian

2011-04-26T06:10:00.001-12:00

Woman: Strange things have been happening at my house and I've lived there for 10 years.
Me (knowing that this is a question I can't answer): What sorts of things?
Woman: Eerie things that just don't seem right.
Rob (the computer tech who happens to be fixing the other reference pc): You mean TAPS?
Woman: Yes, exactly! The assessors office told me to come here and ask you about that.

Yeah, just ask the liberrians. They'll know for sure.

Ping Pong

2011-04-24T09:20:00.000-12:00

A continuation of a story about Mr. PB. Earlier this week we had the same conversation about Mindset-- it's written by a woman, & her name starts with a C. And once again the book was checked out. Mr. PB said that's ok, I'll improvise, and started to walk away. Then he turned around and said-- do you ever play ping pong? That's what it is. Basic math. That's mindset.

Reference question of the day

2011-04-24T02:01:00.000-12:00

Caller: Hi, do you know those call letters that the military uses, A Alpha, B Bravo, C Charlie? I was wondering what they are called and I'd like a list of all of them.

Me: OK, let me put you on hold and do some research.

Fortunately it wasn't very busy yesterday. I spend about 5 minutes looking in dictionaries, military books, other reference books, etc., then decide it would be better if I called him back. He said he'd rather wait on the line or call me back, so I ask him to please call me back. He calls back in about 30 min and here's what I told him--

I looked in many reference materials and couldn't find anything. However, I did look on Amazon and found a juvenile book called Alpha Bravo Charlie: The Military Alphabet. Our book is checked out, but I looked at the subjects of the book and found that the letters are the ICAO Alphabet Code. Then I googled ICAO alphabet code and found the list! (BTW- ICAO stands for International Civil Aviation Organization).

yell phone liar

2011-04-23T02:22:00.000-12:00

I overheard a woman in the liberry on her yell phone say-- I can't hear you right now, I'm driving!

Yet another service we don't provide

2011-04-22T02:37:00.002-12:00

2 guys come to the desk.
Me: May I help you?
Guy #1: Yes, my friend here needs someone to kick his ass!

Laura Bush Knows Everthang

2011-04-20T10:26:00.000-12:00

Elderly man with intense southern accent: "They sent me down here because they said you would know everthang. You was like Laura Bush!"

Hmmm.

2011-04-19T12:24:00.000-12:00

Guy: Do you have one of those devices that you put a book in and it reads to you?

Me: No, but the [Big City] library does...

Guy: Oh good. Because I have a lot of vision problems and I need to study for my driver's license test.

Who's on first, I mean... where's first?

2011-04-16T13:06:00.002-12:00

Caller: Ya know how in baseball they run around the bases counterclockwise? Well, what they made third base first base so they ran clockwise instead of counterclockwise around the bases, would that make a difference?

Me: That sounds like an opinion question that I can't really research.

Caller: But what do you think?

Me: I think I have a line of people waiting for me to help them.

Caller: ok

Me: Goodbye.

Mr. Purple Book

2011-04-07T02:34:00.000-12:00

Last night Mr. Purple Book came to the desk many times. Mostly to ask if the clock above the desk is really the right time. A couple highlights:

MPB: Know what happened to me today? Someone stole my Mt. Dew. I had it on the picnic table outside. I walked away and when I came back it was gone.
Me: Maybe they thought you were done with it if you just walked away.
MPB: Or maybe they were just being mean. That's what I think.

-----

MPB: Is this book new? I've never seen it before in the whole library. And it's about career aptitude tests- yeah, and it is interesting too ... I saw another book a couple days ago, but this one is still new. See? It's got the stamp on the side. See what I mean?

Girl at the desk

2011-04-03T08:57:00.000-12:00

Yesterday I had to get the easel out of one of the rooms in the liberry and take it near the entrance. I keyed in to the room and found an elderly man tutoring some guy. When I picked up the easel, the older man said you better check with the girl at the desk before you take that.

I said, that's me, I am the girl at the desk!

Comments from yesterday's newcomers

2011-04-02T02:26:00.000-12:00

Man pointing to all the CDs: What's all this?
Me: Music CDs.
Man: That you can ... like ... checkout?
Me: Yes. You can check CDs out for a week and then renew them if no one is waiting.

-------------

Elderly man and wife:
Wife: You can look up things [at these catalog pcs].
Man: Then what are the other [Internet] ones for?
Wife: I don't know.
Man: They've got it all here, don't they?

Mr. Purple Book

2011-03-31T04:50:00.000-12:00

Yesterday Mr. Purple Book told me-- "I got two letters in the mail. I think they were from the library. Anyway, I misplaced them. Can you tell me what those letters were about?"

Refgrunt! Ten Hut!

2011-03-28T10:28:00.001-12:00

[a few really boring questions removed throughout]

Can I use this flyer for scratch paper? (No. )

Night Custodian exam book?

We need more sign-in sheets for the study group

Mr. Purple Book wants to know when the mall opens.

Unlawful detainer—what are the loopholes?

What is the book that comes before “Kings of the North” by Elizabeth Moon? And do you have a book called “Gift of Life” by I don’t know the author?

Wants various movies on VHS—is that the one with the two holes in the middle?

Looking for “Jewels of the Sea” by Nora Roberts, which is the sequel to “Jewels of the Sun”. Will not believe that it’s actually called “Heart of the Sea”.

I think this is my cushion that I left here.

Guy at a computer: Do you have to put your library card in here for it to work?

Where’s the true crime section?

Turns out, computer guy meant it literally and stuck his card in the disk drive. Forceps time!

Do you have a place I can advertise for an Arabic tutor?

“American Album” by Oliver Jensen

SRDS Advertising Source? (We haven’t had it since 2007, so I send her to [Big City] Library downtown.)

¿Habla Español?

We need information on volcanoes. Just stuff about it.

Where would I find a book on archery, if you had one?

ASVAB

Do you have, like, a dictionary that I can sit and use? I forgot mine and I want to use it to look up words.

I find her the Collected Stories and Complete Novels of Eudora Welty and she says Oh you are so wonderful! I knew I would have success!

What’s 9.55% of $4460?

SCRAM!

2011-03-27T11:46:00.000-12:00

A mentally challenged man rubbed his hands together and asked me if I would be interested in something special.

I said no.

(Not no, thanks. Not I'm sorry, no. Just NO).

He didn't even walk away when I said NO, so I told him that I have a lot of work to do, ignored him, and he eventually left.

Whispers

2011-03-27T11:41:00.002-12:00

Woman whispers-- do you have anything on Odin the Viking god or Odinism?

MLS

2011-03-27T11:40:00.000-12:00

Condescending woman: He (the tech who sent her to the information desk) told me you went to school to get a library degree. Is that true?

Yes, I have my master's degree in library science.

CW: Oh, so did you just go to State?

No, actually, I didn't. I went to (name another school that's not "State").

CW: Oh, I didn't know there was such a degree.

in a hurry

2011-03-27T11:34:00.000-12:00

Man: Hi, my son is 13 and I'm looking for a book that will show him how to paint on a canvas with oil paints. (looks at watch) Oh God, I have to get outta here!

---

So if you don't think you'll have enough time to wait for me to show you where the section is, why do you even ask the question?

a good read

2011-03-27T11:31:00.000-12:00

I help this woman find a book and request a movie. She walks about 3 steps away and turns around and comes back to the desk to ask me I've read anything by Nicholas Sparks. I say yes, and she says SAFE HAVEN, OMG, IT'S THE BOMB!

Today's highlights

2011-03-24T15:49:00.000-12:00

New card holder (with an unverified address) asks me what's the "beginner account limit."

Someone else asks me if there's a "coffee dispenser in the liberry." Sorry, it's NASWP.

Customer points to the catalog pc and says-- "is this for self help?"

Lots of complaints about the new pencil sharpener.

Really good news: We have Because of Romek, Catcher in the Rye, and The Pearl on the shelf.

Even more awesome news: The man who looks like he belongs in a Charles Dickens' novel tells me he's thinking of moving!!! Absolutely! How can I help?!

Replacement card

2011-03-16T09:37:00.003-12:00

A lady came up with a brand new library card and asked if she could get a different one.

I asked what the problem was.

"I don't like the number," she said--because it had 666 in it.

Maybe there IS a devil in this town?

Recidivism

2011-03-16T09:34:00.002-12:00

A guy came in wanting a book on "How to Fight Your Traffic Ticket and Win" but when I tried to request it his account was blocked.
Turns out he had a bunch of overdue fines from having checked out the same book 5 years ago.

Say what?

2011-03-10T14:30:00.000-12:00

Today while I was working on the children's desk one of the student workers asked me if I could help someone on Internet #11. She said he's trying to change his birth certificate from State A to State B. I thought I misunderstood what she said, but she was right! They guy asked me how to cancel his birth certificate for State A and re-register in State B. Unbelievable!

More highlights

2011-03-10T03:24:00.000-12:00

Man with a cigarette behind each ear asked for the car repair section.
An English language learner said he needed pronounce. He meant he needed print outs.
HS girl needed information on Joseph Priestly, the guy who invented oxygen.

Yesterday's reference problems

2011-03-10T03:23:00.000-12:00

Woman is frustrated because the books on impotence didn't arrive. I ask her if she remembered the titles. She doesn't, but goes into detail about the problem. Enough said.
Another woman wants read-alikes on My Secret Garden, a book about women's sexual fantasies.
Yet another woman wants books about dealing with men; nevermind, a book won't help.

Ms. Pink

2011-02-28T16:51:00.000-12:00

Ms. Pink is one of our regulars who loves loves loves the color PINK. The other day I helped her color the columns and borders of an excel document pink. Then I also made the words in the headings of each column and row bolded pink. She was really happy.

Today she came to the desk with Joy to the World blaring from her ipod (probably not an ipod, but something that can play music). She wanted to know the difference between .doc and .pdf. I told her, and she asked-- so pdf means it is acrobatical?

Yep. Sure is!

Award

2011-02-27T14:29:00.000-12:00

And the award for making the liberry a nicer place to be today goes to Marian. Thank you, Marian, for spraying the disinfectant spray in the area from the 7xx - 9xx and the reference desk.

new lovetheliberry blogger

2011-02-26T12:21:00.000-12:00

Marian, Michael, and Amy welcome Heather to our blog! She worked with us for a couple years at our crazy branch, and was just promoted to Liberrian II at another branch. Yes, we will miss her, but at least she will blog her stories. Welcome Heather!

Short Refgrunt: 6-7PM

2011-02-25T09:15:00.003-12:00

May I help you?
Yes, you may.... may i have a paperclip?

Do you have a book on Harry Houdini?

How do I respond to an ad on craigslist if it doesn't let me click on the email?

It says "ask please," oh, I read it backwards, it says "please ask." Wow, is this a new (pencil) sharpener? I just wasted your time, sorry.
2 highschool students: Hi, we just borrowed this book (Handbook of Chemistry and Physics) about an hour ago. (He hands it to me, and I say thanks). Then one of them says-- oh, do you want me to put it back?

Where is the area for Spanish books?

Excuse me, please take your cell phone conversation to the lobby.

Woman-- Hi, I just found these 4 reference books (about astrology, dream interpretation, tarot, and witches/witchcraft) in the circulating section. I think someone used them and didn't want to put them back. (Or my idea-- they were ready to steal them and then saw the security guard or another staff member).

Do you have music by Michael Buble? It used to be so easy to find, but now that he is popular I guess they're all checked out.

Young mother: Hi, do you have books on how to study for the GED and a video about "your baby can read."

"study" rooms

2011-02-25T03:05:00.002-12:00

Man: Can I book one of the study rooms so I can practice my harmonica?

The Heather Memorial Refgrunt (come back and see us soon!)

2011-02-24T07:58:00.001-12:00

Needs a library card.
Can we purchase earbuds at the library? (Sorry, no) Oh, that’s okay, I just wondered since they have them at the library in New Mexico.
I want a book on wrestling, it’s my favorite. Is that okay?
Phone: I was here last Tuesday, not this past Tuesday but a week ago Tuesday, and I was here with my grandson who has to do a research paper for high school, it’s on Kennedy, but there weren’t any books available so we went to the information desk and we spoke to the staff person there, and she showed us the computer and we were able to find about five books that were available that we could order so we ordered them and she said it would take three to five days but it’s been a week and a half and we haven’t heard anything and (Okay, do you have your library card number? I’ll check on it.)
Where are the country CDs?
I’m making a sign, and I need to know the penal codes and fines for the following: loitering, littering, and dumping.
Can you tell me where the nonfiction is? (Well, yes, but are you looking for anything specific?) Twice Across the Plains by Pleasants? I’m a descendent of his and my sister told me about the book. It’s a true story!
Needs a whole array of parenting books for a class
Something that explains the Odyssey, since the poetry is “very deep”.
Do you have any books on ADHD? I just got diagnosed with that! But it doesn’t seem to run in my family.
Can I order that new book by Ricky Martin?
Do you have any large print books?
Do you sell envelopes? I just need one. (Sorry , no.) How about rubber bands, could I have two? (Yes, that I can do.)
Okay, there’s this series of books, and I’m not sure what they’re called, but each one is about a girl, and they tell their story. And it’s, like way back in time. (Dear America?) Yes! I think that’s it!
Is Heather here? (No, she’ll be in later) Oh, can you tell her Lisa from Branch X stopped by? She’s going to be our new manager. (Oh, you’re so lucky! We LOVE Heather and we’re so sad she’s leaving. Take good care of her!) We will!
Do you have the novels of Nora Roberts? My aunt saw the movies based on her books and she wants to read them.
Do you have more paper for the microfilm machine?
Coldest Winter Ever by Sister Souljah

Catholic Math

2011-02-24T03:09:00.004-12:00

So this new guy (who I can tell is going to be a regular) asked me for books on Catholic math. I asked him what he meant by that, and he didn't really know. The conversation ranged from pure and applied math, logic, differential equations, and abstract algebra. Then he said he wants information on abstract algebra that a first grader could understand. Oh. Wow.

Microfilm fun

2011-02-24T03:01:00.000-12:00

A woman wanted to watch me thread the microfilm machine so she'd know for next time. So I walk over to the machine and ask her if I could please sit down.
Woman: NO, how will I know what you are doing?
Amy: It's easier to thread if I can sit down.
Woman: I'm not going to move. (It wasn't like she was disabled).
Amy: So, I'll just try to thread it from this awkward angle.

So I worked around her. It took much longer, but I did it. And I doubt she'd know how to thread it next time. Stay tuned.

What the seniors are looking for these days

2011-02-10T07:48:00.002-12:00

Very tall old man: Can you show me where to find the Reader's Guide to Periodical Literature?

Tiny Indian lady in a sari: Do you have the book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey?